Emma Laslett, of the House of Hubris

Hey, you all got a 5 and beat us at the grid, it was a great match 💜

I mean, it can be if you want xD

Mark your calendars, Emma-voice-enjoyers...

People need to stop giving me ideas

Love to be nonbinaré

Happy Non-Binary People's Day, celebrated on this day to commemorate the time we broke all the enbies out of the Bastille!

For the sake of comparison, 9% of Americans approve of the Black Plague.

First as tragedy, then as nightcore

I *adore* this 😍

Oh, this is just part of my charm.

Let's gooooooooooo #eurovision

Honestly I don't understand it either, but I am Here For It

Labour aren't fascist, they're just removing trans people from public life, and deliberately consigning hundreds of thousands of disabled people to an early death, and monstering trade unions, and appealing always and only to the electorate's most coddled racists, and trashing our universities, and

...stream here, but it's on long-term hiatus since I've had tonsils like golf balls for fifteen weeks now 🙃 So I guess just follow, leave a comment/argument/screed below, and watch this space?

And that's it! Looking at my tier list, it's...not exactly a banner year, especially considered to some recent ones where the S-tier needed another row, but as ever, I'm prepared to be pleasantly surprised by the live performances. And hey, if you've enjoyed this, I would ordinarily plug my...

...and that reference came from 2001, so I've got *some* range. TIER: B

...clunkily stitched together? Like, they're great singers, and there are some exceptional harmonies in this, but it feels like it's trying to do everything, and mostly just leaves me thinking "Yep, you absolutely watched Six" and/or "Now I want to listen to Sunday Morning After again,"...

UNITED KINGDOM (What The Hell Just Happened? - Remember Monday) - And finally, we come to the hosts of, if not the Contest, at least this thread. I've heard this song so many times now thanks to the BBC, but I'm still struggling to form an opinion, since it feels like about five songs...

...shut up about it), but now we have what I'm pretty sure could be the *opening* theme to the anime I was describing earlier. Like, I don't hate it, it's just kind of...eh? Plus, I cannot get over how much the singer wants to be baby Paul Weller. TIER: C

UKRAINE (Bird of Pray - Ziferblat) - Yes, that's how they spell it. No, I don't know why. Yes, it annoys me too. Now, Ukraine have been bringing so many deeply weird songs targeted to me specifically to the Contest in recent years (speaking as someone who saw Go_A live and will never...

...one for the Loin d'ici fans here (I have references that *aren't* from 2016, I promise). Honestly, it's not as favoured, but in the sphere of big Francophone ballads, I think this actually does it better than France, don't @ me. TIER: A

SWITZERLAND (Voyage - Zoë Më) - Wow, it really is a big year for the French-language ballad enjoyers. After the maximalism that won it for them last year, Switzerland have stripped it back to the classics (pretty woman dressed in white, singing a love ballad), and it honestly works? Very much...

...and it regularly just pops out unprompted, at which point I'm singing it for the rest of the day. I *love* this incredibly silly song, and while I don't in principle want Sweden to win *again*, there's absolutely a reason why this is still the favourite. TIER S(auna)

...non-Swedes absolutely not get without doing the research (and yes, of course I have). So yeah, I have no idea how many times I've listened to this song, but it's etched into my brain at this point (Do I speak Swedish or Finnish? God no. Do I know basically all the words to this? Hell yes),...

SWEDEN (Bara bada bastu - KAJ) - Let's goooooooo (to the sauna). A lot of people have been decrying this as "just" a novelty song, but sometimes what you need is three Finnish men singing about sauna culture, with tight choreography, great stage presence, and tons of really good jokes that...

...of the year. Like, don't get me wrong, she's no Chanel, and this arguably doesn't do anything we haven't heard before from dozens of Spanish divas, but if you just want a pop diva track that does what it needs to, here you go. TIER: B

SPAIN (Esa diva - Melody) - I've made a lot of references to the typical Eurovision pop girlies in this thread, but honestly there haven't been that many of them this year? Luckily, Benidorm can usually be counted upon to bring us some of the better ones, and this is probably the best pop girlie...

...just painfully prosaic, and it does absolutely nothing interesting musically. Again, I'm not trying to diminish the man's experiences, but not every experience needs to be turned into art and put on the public stage. TIER: F

SLOVENIA (How Much Time Do We Have Left - Klemen) - It's nice that your wife didn't die, Klemen, but this song just makes me turn into the incarnation of the "I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened." meme. It's an incredibly generic weepy ballad, the lyrics are...