hannah

Just a reminder going into 2025 that you’re not my real mom and you never will be.

Wondering why God (big meanie) would give me (just a little guy) a tummy ache today.

A museum guest yesterday said, ”2025 starts in 9 days!” and I said back, “My brain has been stagnant since March of 2020, I don’t even know how old I am anymore.”

One of my worst fears is meeting somebody really cool that likes the same things that I do and we get along really well, and then one day they're just like, "Do you know what I really hate? Jews."

Not me having three interviews this week

My boss resigned and everybody is like, “omg I wonder who is next,” likeeeeeee 👀

Part of my acrylic peeled off today, am I even a bad bitch

Heard a guy ask his date what her “body count” was at work, could this day get any worse

Forgot my jacket, and this cigarette is not warming me up.

“the hawk tuah girl has been milkshake ducked by her memecoin” i say as the neurologist schedules me for an emergency MRI

In a brief moment of serenity, my Check Engine light turned off for half a day, and then turned back on.

I bet Jeff Probst smells so fucking good.

Forgot that fajitas come out of the kitchen and into the restaurant loud af. Makes everybody look at you. Makes everybody think, “Who’s that special girl? Who is she?”

Dying to host a tour at the museum I work at where I just show guests all of the places I swear I’ve seen a ghost.

Hiding my cigarette when somebody walks by like I’m 16 again.

Baby-faced Jack Black in Northern Exposure

Social anxiety is cool if you like suddenly becoming concerned about the color of your socks as soon as you get around other people.

There’s so many things wrong with both my car and my body, none of which I’m getting help for.

Would love to bring back saying, “that’s rich,” during arguments, it still hits for me.

All My Mucinexes Live In Texas

I wish they still made those Punk Goes Pop albums, because can you imagine A Day to Remember doing Hot to Go? Devastating.

I’ve been pretty resistant to Chappell Roan, but Hot to Go is such a bop.

I’m going to make this a good time for me and only me

Went out of town to see my bf’s favorite band, I’m gonna get fucking smashed tonight

Burger Boy selfie

I’m eating at a restaurant called Burger Boy.

“There’s nothing like an ABBA song to remind me how gay my girlfriend is.”

DJ X said he was going to play a “fun setlist” and then proceeded to play Car Seat Headrest.

If I don’t send you my Wordle score every day, we’re not really friends.

by the santa clause rules luigi magione is now the ceo of united healthcare