Sitting in a hospital waiting room listening to white noise in my headphones because two ladies in here are describing every surgery they’ve ever had and I don’t need this much information about stitches
Me with a golden retriever sitting in my lap
Late night at the bookstore for a signing, but I have a full grown golden retriever sitting in my lap so it’s fine
Imaging a human saying to you, "i will only ever tell you what i think you want to hear, based on what i know about ppl like you, how you start our conversation, & what you say during it. Sometimes that will sound like truth, sometimes like errors or lies. Now: Let's talk about your medical history"
Oh, also fun family lore is the my dad’s dad made it to the top 30 of the Apollo astronaut program. My great uncle always said he got cut because my grandmother was a real loudmouth who once yelled at a 4-star general (astronaut’s wives were to be ladies, you see).
As a result I’m staunchly anti-war but pro taking care of our armed forces and their families. I cry at Veteran’s Day celebrations but mutter “fuck this garbage country” often.
Mom’s dad was a Major in the Air Force and flew in Vietnam, Dad’s dad was a captain and a fighter pilot in the Marine Corps and was shot down in Vietnam. He wasn’t recovered until 2002, when they found parts of his plane, bone fragments, and his dented wedding ring
You don’t know her, she goes to a different school
Remember: If you are a billionaire, a wealth tax and cap are for your *own protection.* The income tax rate at the end of a pitchfork is 100%.
When you have the chance, please take the time to watch Harrison Ford's remarkable, beautiful Life Achievement Award acceptance speech. #ActorAwards
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV_2...
I spent seven hours today with no access to social media, and all I got done instead was visiting a new terrarium store in my city, picking up some new records, playing with my dog, and reading half of a really great book.
Lemme tell you, now is a really good time to get a Brick to keep you from reflexively reaching for all the worst opinions and most awful news. Put some friction between you and the takes. I cannot recommend this enough.
“direct your anger at trump not the democrats” buddy you are severely underestimating the amount of anger i have available to me
Paradise by Judith McNaught. It’s a soapy romp through the 80s and 90s with a villainous father, lots of corporate espionage and a torrid love affair between rival CEOs
i’m so excited for peace in the Middle East. we’re only one war away.
"The Islamists oppose women getting an education," I mutter, as I aim my missile at the girls school
I was so sad the day my youngest finally stopped calling hiccups “pickups”
None of it is a distraction. It’s all just evil deeds done one after the other by evil people who treat the government as their personal playground and piggy bank.
The lesson we need to learn from this is that while the public at large hates fascist governance, the media and their own inability to remember things from 0.2 years ago will conspire to make the next fascist look good.
We cannot count on people at large "learning their lesson."
Oh, and my hottest take: Bad Boy Romances are just Horse Girl stories.
(He is wild and dangerous and everyone has given up on him except for her; she is able to break through to his wounded exterior and gain his trust and now has all his strength and power under her command.)
It is going to happen this year. You know what I mean. God’s will. Naturally of course. No need to come knocking on my door. I’m chilling at home and I’ll be chilling at home when it happens. Before I go running out into the streets that is. Shaking the mailman’s hand. Kissing nurses and shit. All of a sudden there’s a drumline and a mariachi band and breakdancers and fuckin… David Guetta is DJing on a rooftop if David Guetta is still alive. Maybe we’ll even get to watch it live on TV. The first flicker that something is really wrong. Slowing it down and rewinding it after like when Lisa broke Ralph’s heart. The realization in his eyes. The first single moment of self awareness in 80 years. Like a flailing panicked deer you’ve crashed your car into on the side of a snowy mountain pass. The eyes fluttering back and forth. Surely this can’t have been it. Perhaps a brief bargaining with God. God saying he’s going to pass on the deal. I do not agree with your terms sir. It’s gonna be like the Will Smith Summertime video out there. Everywhere. We’re all going to get fired from our jobs for posting. 100% unemployment. One good day.
A podcast asked me to record a voice note about my prediction for 2026 and here it is.
Sometimes you’ll read a bad book, or one you simply don’t like! That doesn’t mean you won’t like the things the book does in the hands of another author, or even a different outing from the same author. People expecting to like everything is making publishing worse!
U.S. men's hockey with Curt-Schilling-in-Boston levels of good will squandering. A 25-mile lead in the good will marathon and they tripped on their dicks right at the finish line.
make them say things they cannot take back! Make it HURT!
May he symphonically shit himself while the entire men's hockey team is forced to crowd behind him for a photo
The thing about the women’s hockey team declining the SOTU invitation is in part that sometimes, if you do not need certain kinds of power, you get to retain others.
"I supported gay marriage early and all it got me was the Governorship of California and also the virtue of being on the right side of history--FOLLOW ME AT YOUR PERIL!"
Can someone load this man into a rocket and fire him into the sun?
Now is probably a good time to say that hockey romance rose to popularity because it’s a sport where all the players where white, and then it hit the zeitgeist when some authors said “okay, but what if they were a little less white and straight and also not dickbags?” But the whiteness is the point
My middle name is Elizabeth and I'm pretty sure my parents picked it because in the early 80s it was against the law to pick anything else
Kash Patel is the first FBI director who's primarily interested in searching high and low for clout.
