fredesque

beers. (complimentary)

ive been chuckling about "Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas ..a thing we were actually going to announce the creation of on Sunday" since i heard it

It’s actually FEWER Misérables

Markwayne Gacy

Telling Jesus he'll never make it if he keeps being so hostile to wealth. Advising him to moderate his message to appeal to the Galilee suburbs

my personal Sweetwater rep texting: wow, another fine choice, sir! may i ask what vision has brought you to this step in your musical journey?

me: shut up and throw the candy in the box man

Markwayne is actually a noble title, and is the Oklahoma equivalent to "Marquis," and may be passed on at the same time your father gives you his car dealership

pic of two gang members from LA, holding up a red & blue hankerchief each thats been tied together in the middle, to demonstrate the blood and crip gangs coming to a truce and showing solidarity during the 1992 riots after rodney king verdict

the ppl of massachusetts

fuck i mixed up pavlov with schrödinger and now every time i ring a bell a cat might die

once i get my plow fixed it's over for these hoes

im not saying this weed is good but i forget how vcrs work

i hope today is the day i get that 17 phone calls from the loan processing dept

God: I’m gonna give them eyelashes to keep stuff from getting in their eyes

Angel: great idea, where do the eyelashes go when they fall out?

God: ok you’re gonna laugh

i will throw some it into your eyes (while eating the rest like a rabid chipmunk)

You can use the 'summon' button on my profile page to call on me for aid in battle. Surprised how many of you haven't been taking advantage of this

So weird how hot dogs come in packages of ten and your dad tried to kiss me

from my cold dead hands (holding a nature valley bar)

[cats] think ill go to another part of the house and scream at god

me: i have a bunch of anxiety rn

brain: how bout a coffee

me: idk sounds like a bad idea

brain: iced coffee

me: ok yeah that makes more sense

lol

peterson's rock garden, redmond, oregon, 1987

peterson's rock garden, redmond, oregon, 1987

[holding hand over receiver] everyone shut the fuck up, the menu options have changed

"dont worry ill just tell you when"

starting to have my doubts about the prestigious FIFA Peace Prize

will i get WWIII if i didnt see WWI or WWII

Killing schoolgirls in Operation Le Epic Bacon so people forget about the dead economy and the president's pedophile best friend for ten minutes.

[getting murdered by waiter] this is great, thanks

you get it 😌

Illustration of a large blue, red, purple, and green cat shining a light on a smaller blue and green cat below. The small cat looks up at the larger cat with it's mouth open in a meow. The script in the top left corner is in Arabic, translating to "DOMINIK".

The past and present

Illustration of a bipedal white rabbit wearing a green bow in her hair, sitting in a classroom and daydreaming about her crush. She dreams of Four pink and teal bunnies, kicking up pink clouds and as the swirl around her head. On the piece of paper on her desk is a drawing of her with her crush, on the opposite page are “X” and “O” written repeatedly.

When I think of you