Hello Bluesky. Sorry I haven’t posted in you in 4 months. I’ve been abroad in “Threads” - a nation undergoing rapid “X”-ification where satire is treated as sworn testimony and everyone is already mad at you personally.
Trying to calculate the overlap between “Guys who enjoyed watching ‘The Amazing Atheist’ in 2009” and “Guys who recently got baptised at 34, do ice baths, and think Bill Gates is planting gay nanobots in every vaccine”
Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
It’s deeply fucking weird how fashion works. Kids are out here wearing groovy-chic ass flares like its 2002 again. If history teaches us anything, it’s that the cursed skinny jean will rise from it’s grave far sooner than any of us are prepared for.
A more accurate meme.
As a child, I yearned for one of those inflatable bananas on Supermarket Sweep. Sure, I could procure an inflatable banana now with adult money and adult shame… but alas, the magic has perished.
Pat, are we writing self-insert fanfic now?!
Quick straw poll: anyone else have male friends or colleagues who, pre-2020, were just normal lads, then got into cold plunges, breathwork, or “eating clean” & have since emerged as self professed carnivores who quote Leviticus with the intensity of an evangelical church leader? Just me? I’ve got 3
Sometimes I remember that Shigeru Miyamoto is a huge fan of The Beatles and large parts of my life just make sense.
I hope the new pope is Big Narstie
So sorry for your loss Pat! xxx
I get him a lot too 🙃
Alongside the same white celeb comparisons, I often get “you look like a child and 40 at the same time.” How can I interpret that as anything OTHER than an insult? I once said “hey, maybe don’t say that,” and the guy replied, “no, I’m right. I WhatsApped your pic to my whole family and they agreed.”
If you see a video and your first instinct is to comment “you look like _____” unprompted - please stop. Consider if what you’re about to write is insulting. Actually, even if you think it’s a compliment - don’t post it. Just comment “cool video” or “I am afraid” like the rest of us.
Fact: this was the only sanctioned haircut for UK primary school teachers from 1996 - 2004
I want to believe Donkey Kong is still in there, under the Hollywood sheen. Somewhere deep inside, he remembers what it was like to be built for function, not for aesthetics. Stay strong, brother. 😔
Me when every "new" announcement for the Switch 2 is just a game from 2 years ago with a slightly different hat: [stone-faced silence]
Me when they re-release GameCube games I played to death 20 years ago: [fainting, crying, preparing my debit card]
I loved breath of the wild. I loved tears of the kingdom. But Nintendo, you sick freaks, I am NOT playing it again. I 100%’d the damn thing. I don’t care how many new features you slap on like you’re Bethesda flogging Skyrim. I am free. I am FREE.
This is what we call a “doge whistle”.
“Gunk From The Chickpea Can” is the name of my upcoming album.
Me in history class: Huh? Weird how the nazis banned modern art and exiled artists for being "degenerate".
Me now, watching Ben Shapiro set a Barbie Doll on fire for being "woke": Ah, I see.
Absolutely love the challenge of trying to explain to the voting public that maybe, just MAYBE, taxing billionaires 0.1% more is a better idea than launching the disabled into the sun. But unfortunately the billionaires own every newspaper, TV channel, algorithm and brain cell on this cursed earth.
Dear @cdprojektred.com if you’re casting any voice roles for your next cybernetic sex nightmare, please refer to my credentials. I have consumed this world entirely. I am the most dangerous man alive.
Ever notice that “Why’d you have to get political?” is always exclusively aimed at left-wing creators?
I know exactly what you mean. That uniquely nauseating liberal smugness - the same flavour as watching the Oscars or remembering “clap for while the NHS”. And now Gavin Newsom, the great progressive hope, is out here nodding along to Charlie Kirk’s sewer filth. Unbelievable.
Sad to hear about Joey Molland’s passing. Badfinger were legendary - one of the most criminally underrated bands in rock history. Their story is heartbreaking, and it’s astounding that there hasn’t been a biopic yet. There needs to be.
Absolutely humiliating to be outwitted and emotionally manipulated on a daily basis by a 10 pound creature who screams like a banshee the second he is left alone. Possibly the most dog-brained cat in recorded history.
(I am a socialist and my mum is dead btw)
One of my biggest icks is when an artist records a song in stereo and for some reason decides the first 20 seconds should be entirely isolated in my left ear - so I get to spend that time panicking and slapping my headphones like a dumbass.
@police !!!!!!!
