Police Squad! (In Color)

- I lied. He never took me to the movies. -
Whaaat?
- I LIED. HE NEVER TOOK ME TO THE MOVIES
#PoliceSquad #alibi

- Lieutenant Drebin, what do I do?
- Well, as I understand it, you're in the textile business
#PoliceSquad

- Is there a ransom note?
- Yes, the butler found it. It was tied to this window and thrown into the rock garden
#PoliceSquad

You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan
#PoliceSquad

I just flew in from out of town and a guy in the airport came up to me and says, Give me $5 till payday, and I said, Well, when's payday? And he said, How do I know? You got the job!
#PoliceSquad #entertainer

- Then explain this to me
- Well, you take this little cardboard stick out with sulphur on the end and you rub it on the edges and it makes fire
#PoliceSquad

Complete destruction. Right up to the point where she asked Katherine Hepburn what kind of tree she'd like to be.
#PoliceSquad #TheLab

We're sorry to bother you at a time like this, Mrs Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
#PoliceSquad

- Is this some kind of bust?
- Yes, it's very impressive, but we'd just like to ask a few questions
#PoliceSquad

Act II
Gesundheit
#PoliceSquad

When I arrived at the morgue, my boss had already begun to investigate the physicaI evidence. As was our custom in such cases, we began to talk.
#PoliceSquad

You think you're gonna arrest me, don't you Well, you're not! 'Cause I got the gun now!
#PoliceSquad

We have men working around the clock trying to locate your daughter
#PoliceSquad

Ed and I drove around for hours for no particular reason. We came up empty.
#PoliceSquad

- Cigarett?
- Yes, I know
#PoliceSquad

You've got to give us something to go on. Names, description, sounds, smells, shirt size, anything
#PoliceSquad

Champ OK's Chump For Title Fight
#PoliceSquad

Chump KO's Champ in Bar Fight
#PoliceSquad

By the way, would you be interested in our holiday gift set? All right, I just thought I'd ask.
#PoliceSquad

That'll be all for today, Billy. Next week, we'll look into some interesting experiments we can do with discarded swimwear.
#PoliceSquad #TheLab

After taking care of an urgent personal matter, I proceeded directly to the address that Johnny had given me
#PoliceSquad

Katie, why don't you run along now Next week we'll learn why cows look forward to giving milk
#PoliceSquad #TheLab

May I check your coat?
#PoliceSquad

It's not that I'm not grateful for the police protection, Captain, it's just that it's a little disruptive
#PoliceSquad

- How many of these apartment keys would you like?
- Fifty. You can mail 49 of them to the Chicago Bears.
- Well. And where would you like the 50th sent?
- Just bring it around to my apartment
#PoliceSquad #locksmith

- You know anything about it
- Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
#PoliceSquad #WordOnTheStreet

But only as a limited time offer

- Al, get yourself a haircut. You look ridiculous.
- Sorry, Captain, I was just trying something different
#PoliceSquad

I was en route to Police Squad, when I got a call from Dispatch
#PoliceSquad

- I'd like to see the scene of the abduction.
- Sure, right here. The Abduction. Scene one, take three
#PoliceSquad