PDX Weather Report

There ain’t no party like cold dreary rain!

Stay the fuck out of my city

Today’s forecast is foggy with a chance of

SORRY! SORRY! Sorry. It was taco night. My b.

Okay okay I know I teased you with cold weather, but I promise, the nice weather is here to stay for another three months. Trust me, y'all.

Some places would call this weather miserable, but not me. I flourish in cold gray rain. I blossom like a flower. I thrive in the haze. I AM BECOME COLD AND WET!!!

FUCK ITS BROKEN CONTAINMENT. NOOOOOOO! SUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

IGNORE THE GIANT GLOWING ORB IN THE SKY!

Hope you weren't counting on seeing the sun any time soon. I threw that fucker in the bin!

WELCOME TO MELT DISNEY WORLD!

OH SORRY! I LEFT THE OVEN ON! I'M TRYING TO FIX IT! WHAT THE FUCK DO THESE KNOBS EVEN DO?!?!

HEY PORTLAND I GOT YOU YOUR FAVORITE COLOR!

GRAY!!!!!

THE DAY STAR IS UNYIELDING
RESPITE IS ETERNALLY DISTANT
ALL IS RADIATION
DROUGHT IS YOUR FATE
RECKONING IS AT HAND!!!
RECOKING!!!!!

SORRY ABOUT THE UNEXPECTED RAIN BUT I REALLY HAD TO TAKE A WIZZ! HOPE YOUR PLANTS ENJOYED IT!

YOU CAN RUN TO THE RIVER NOW BUT I'M WORKING HARD TO EVAPORATE IT AND THEN YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME!

I think this is pretty much this week's forecast, too.

NICE GARDEN YOU HAVE THERE! WOULD BE A SHAME IF IT MELTED!!!

I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR COOKOUTS TO BE GRAY BECAUSE GRAY IS ALL YOU’RE GETTING OUT OF ME TODAY! HAHAHAHAHA!!

You should tell your Israeli buddies you’re against killing people.

HAHAHAHA YOU THOUGHT THE SUN WAS BACK! I HAVE BANNED HER FOR YET ANOTHER DAY! STALLING THE WARMTH JUST A LITTLE LONGER! ENJOY THE GRAY!

WELL THAT WAS A NICE SUMMER, WASN'T IT?! TIME FOR AUTUMN NOW! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

JUST KIDDING!!!

OR AM I....

I know it was raining yesterday.
I know it was cloudy all morning!

I KNOW THE SUN IS NOW BEAMING NUCLEAR RADIATION DOWN ON YOUR DAMPENED SOULS! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?!

HEY EVERYONE! ITS THE SUN! BYE SUN!

REMEMBER THE SUN?!

I DON’T!!

DO YOU HAVE ALLERGIES?!

SUCKS TO BE YOU!!!!!!!

MOTHER EARTH WARMS US IN THE BASKING GLOW OF THE DAY STAR! THE WARMTH ALIGHTS FROM THE BURNING CORNEA AND HEALS YOUR WOUNDS! VITAMIN D IS FREE!

CONFUSED ABOUT THE WEATHER?!

SO AM I!!!

BRING BACK THE WARM WEATHER YOU FUCKING COWARDS!!!!

DO NOT BE FOOLED! THE ENDTIMES ARE NIGH! HAIL THE SIZE OF CARS! TORNADOES OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS! THE clear skies AND light drizzling ARE MERE PORTENTS OF THE LOOMING DEVASTATION!!!