Glasgow Kiss

The gap in my resume? That’s when I worked at the Gap, dumbass

A map of 51A that Lisa Simpson is looking at. There is a red star and text that says "You are here, we are not"

My welcome mat

i talk a lot of shit for someone who doesn't really talk a lot

You have the personality of a commonly skipped section.

They’re taking it a bit far now, by having Tom and Jerry in Avengers Doomsday.

Probably about 10% of what I’m going through.

The passage of space is when you knock over a drink, fall out of a chair, catch your pants as your suspenders snap off. Kinda sounds like time broke up with you

I’ve got the man flu.

Please send international aid.

Currently maintaining an optical illusion that I'm sitting at my desk at work when in fact I'm at home with Floyd and all I used was a sack of potatoes, two mirrors and a paper clip.

And I didn’t write understanding instead of understand.

I bet you didn’t know your favorite toy as a kid says a lot about who you are today

Have you tried, understand the ending of The Sopranos, about it?

8:00: starts work

8:07: works out how long until home time

8:08: can’t do mental maths this early

8:30: yeah, this is a much easier
increment to calculate

8:31: feels deflated again when I work out the answer

All's fair in love and war when you're a dick.

Linkin Water Park

Image from Twitter

Must’ve been hit by a smooth criminal.

You tell a rational technology to go to hell and what does it do, the very rational bon voyage that your astronaut heart is afraid of, and coordinates are already go for the funny little space saving smart drill car

Me, thinking about all the cheese I'm gonna eat when I get home from work.

instead of going to our year 10 formal, my friend and i (we were both 15 years old - 1992) decided to spend the night on the beach by ourselves, watching the waves, falling asleep on the sand, woke up in the morning and made our way back to her sister's house unscathed 🙄🤦‍♀️

Cartoon from Der Spiegel shows the world as seen by Trump.

ONE OF THE MOST QUOTED
‘PINK PANTHER’ SCENES !

They broke this US Marines arm because he dared to shout 'No one wants to fight for Israel'.

Grey sky with bare tree branches, a bird perched on a branch, the moon and the top of a telegraph pole with cables.

Morning

Google search suggestion that says "something stuck in my foot but can't see it"

pesky, elusive foot bones

wondering if a passport is required to relocate to pluto

things that are making me smile at work today:

• randomly grabbing a bunch of envelopes that end up being the exact quantity i need

• coffee

things that are annoying me at work today:

• everything else

Your star will shine again one day, Charlie Brown

Strength isn’t always loud.
Staying out of stupid games? Now THAT’S power. 🇪🇸

i read something off a card and kept repeating it to myself so i could remember to type it out and only realised after a delay that i was saying 2006 to myself instead of 2026 and that's how sharp my brain is today