Dr. Pepper’s Ghost

I’d kill for an average day you have no idea

You’re famous

in soviet union, massage chairs YOU

As usual ET stole Plato’s allegory franchise for his own fucked up planet

It’s all “ET’s allegory of the cave” up there in the space. Plato doesn’t get any credit.

Well ET’s gonna get a talking to by me believe you me

go on, heal that twerp’s finger then fly off into the cosmos where you can just shuffle around with your plants steal the reese’s pieces while we just fucking shrivel up and die

It’s us looking like yesterday’s ham in that ditch. It’s us. Don’t you know the allegory of the ditch? Don’t you!?

that smug bastard ET

y’know there’s a planet out there where absolutely none of this shit is happening

Sure we can be friends but tbh I’m just doing it so I can gift you this cursed amulet and free myself from its pain

See? It’s so easy

Everything sucks and we’re all going to die so maybe tell someone you love that you love them

I woulda guessed the mcrib was made of morlock meat or something

wait what

Ever sit in a chair where the back of it hits a nerve or something and pain shoots all over your body?

No? Anyone? Hello? Are you there

Blobby the green blob from the hit hotel transylvania franchise

This should be the son

He’ll give you scurvy!

Home Alone 6: Kevin is a Walnut

I don’t have time to learn wtf mog means.

I’ll just use it in front of younger generations and learn thru context and ridicule

Guess you gotta move out there now

300 bonks please

My favorite star wars sound is the hoots on endor.

Note to self: label cursed goblet as such

Making my kids cringe with dad jokes makes my day

Some aliens, though, have the dignity to look away and continue painting their warhammer figures instead

There’s definitely some aliens out there on jupiter watching our world flail in misery and insanity with big bowls of popcorn or the alien equivalent of popcorn (reese’s pieces)

If your name is claire you’re either the barrettes store or an australian

Livenation stock goes up

Literal fox business analysis: “people go to concerts, stock goes up, got it.”

Watching fox business is like getting a lobotomy

i knew life was gon be hard for me when i telt baddor inanimate objects as a child

wow that’s way cooler than mine

well now you gotta show the prototype to see if it matches my dream chair