Shady Dell Public Library

The Library Board requires her for a quorum.

Attention all Library lovers: We’re looking for a Board Member! 👀

White female, mid-50s, br hair, br eyes, gray pantsuit. Last seen on the third floor of the Main Branch.

If you’ve seen her, call the Tipline (#5 at the menu).

Ooh, i love a good haunted bus subplot! Goodnight, Joan! Goodnight, Charlie!

Well, we didn’t say how long they’d have to wait! 🤣

Fridays are busy at the Library!

- free tax help in Meeting Room B, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., walk-ins welcome
- Open Lego Play for ages 6-12 in the Children’s Room, 3 p.m.
- disembodied wailing in the last stall of the third floor gender neutral bathroom, mysterious floor liquid

Oh hi it’s the guy in the picture! 🤣

I reade a whisky booke
I reade a vodka booke
I reade a lager booke
I reade a cidre book
I reade a book that reminds me of yon good times
I reade a book that reminds me of yon better times

And there’s another person who can prevent kids from reading content they don’t want them to read: a PARENT.

The party of “small government” thinks it’s the federal government’s place to choose what is/isn’t on the shelves of the Library.

There’s already a person who does that. A person with a master’s degree or years of experience doing just that. A LIBRARIAN.

The lions have been considering becoming a threat since 2001.

3B.

Ditto the 75, which definitely doesn’t refer to calories, as Valerie R., HR Admin Assistant, working late, will soon find out.

1B.

It is important to read horror. Even if you hate that kind of thing—even if you’re more of an Emily Henry type—read enough so this doesn’t happen to you.

A door you’ve never noticed before is never good.

Neither are the snack cakes in the odd little closet behind that door.

3.

On the front, a cartoonish berry of indeterminate species scowls at her.

“Weird-ass berry,” Valerie R. mutters, scowling back, but she likes to try new foods, weird foods, and plus, it’s only 75 calories. (Or 75 somethings…) She tucks it in her pocket & backs out of the closet-in-the-closet.

2.

The writing on the package isn’t English, but it’s not exactly *not* English, either. Maybe it’s old English. Or AI English, the scrambled almost-words that show up in generated images. Or Catalonian?

1.

HR Admin Assistant Valerie R., working late, goes to the supply closet for staples & finds a door inside the closet she’s never noticed before. She stoops to open it. Inside, a bare bulb, mauve asbestos tiling, & shelves lined with…snack cakes?

Please call the Main Branch Tipline (#8 at the menu) to schedule a time to bring your child in to Ms. Agnes’ office for questioning.

We value our patrons & the Shady Dell community greatly. That’s why we take your comments seriously. After receiving complaints from young patrons re: Story Time (including “That’s not Ms. Agnes!” & “Why is Ms. Agnes’ shadow so mad?”), we will be conducting an immediate inquiry into the matter.

“There was much consternation amongst the womenfolk, who said the place was of the Devil. I did not want to say so at the time, but I felt similarly. It was a place of death, a cursed place.

‘How ‘bout here?’ said Orville, dropping his bags. ’Here looks good!’”

“We came upon a little dell where the sun seemed afeared to shine. The water ran muddy & smelled of coal. The blighted trees closed in … I had a keen feeling of being watched; I’d not have been shocked if the entire legions of hell hid there, behind the sinister flora.”

- Octavius Morrow, Founder

—who are confused as to whether it’s ethical to kick out a patron before they’ve done what they’re about to do.

Thank you for your continuing patience as Agnes L., Circ Manager & Interim Security Officer, works on the issues with CCTV. She finally found a workaround for the doppelgänger glitch, but now the feed has been bumped three minutes into the future, causing trouble for the staff—

Haha, funny you should say that because we had what we called “The Nancy Era,” where literally every single Reference Librarian was named Nancy! 😅 But then, one by one, the Nancys started mumbling about the woods behind the Library. Became obsessed. Had to fire them all. Now we just have Agneses. 😝

Really? They had all of the artificially intelligent hordes at their disposal and this was what they came up with? *

Everyone loves the tooth fairy until it’s their turn…

Awesome! We’ll use this at Storytime today! The topic is Things That Grow (person??). Like the mycelium bloom that recently grew in the corner of the Children’s Room, resembling our long-dead Children’s Librarian, Agnes. Don’t worry, we threw her—it, IT!—into the sinkhole.

Sickening to talk about death (of anyone but especially children) in such a smarmy way. Wish we could gift them with justice. The worst punishment hegseth has gotten despite all his flubs and atrocities is SNL’s impression of him

Did you know you can see her standing there, just beyond the tree line, if you look out the break room window at dusk, an outline barely discernible from the rest of the scraggly underbrush, but for its watery human eyes? Ssssswitch placessss, it seems to say. Sssssssswitch.

Cool, love that band

We’ll be reading “It’s Springtime Little Blue Truck” and a macaroni craft.