Ren

of all the motives i think my favorite is ulterior

has anybody else felt stressed during the past ten years

Thanks to technology, bananas are becoming obsolete as pretend phones. The future belongs to the Pop-Tart.

Conventional wisdom: "Don't touch wild animals."

Wild animals:
-cute
-round
-soft
-eminently touchable

Why do I have to pretend that I'm going to print something in order to save it as a PDF. Why do I have to engage in a little ruse.

choose your fighter:

quicksand
the bermuda triangle
mirages
scurvy
spontaneous combustion

me when there’s a blizzard in NYC this week while I’m in LA: Hahaha! Yeah!!
me if there’s a blizzard in NYC next week when I have to be there: Well this sucks. Literally wtf.

Two panel comic. Panel 1: a museum display of a megalodon jaw fossil, with some museum goers standing around it. There is a graphic on the information tablet next to the fossil, depicting the approximation of the megalodon’s full size compared to a human. Panel 2: “3.6 million years ago:” we see the true megalodon as it existed, a small shark with ludicrously large, juicy lips.

They need to invent a small cow for the home

Me at 20: I’ll have it all figured out by the time I’m 40.

Me at 40: wtf do you mean they rearranged the grocery store

I didn’t really follow football this year so I just hope all the players have a good time

thank you everyone who still makes art despite everything

Small post card sized painting made with paint markers. There is a black bird in the middle with beige, red and white details. The bird is walking fast toward something on the left side. There are more red and beige details in otherwise white the background in a floral form.

One step at a time!
#art ✧ #painting ✧ #bird

A good measure of how crazy things have gotten is if you pretend we’re in a Star Wars movie and then imagine how long the opening crawl would have to be for an audience of people from 4 weeks ago to be caught up

i don’t want to get back to you as soon as possible i want to be a gargoyle on an old gothic church

Whoever named flashbangs probably had a really long day

I just woke up from a nap and somehow while I was asleep, everyone on the bus has figured out we are not going to the right place

you never hear about someone getting combobulated

The word "cooked" in "1 cup cooked rice" is doing a lot of work in this 5-minute recipe's ingredient list.

Oft-Nabbed Goat {1}{B} Creature — Goat {1}: Draw a card. Gain control of this creature and put a -1/-1 counter on it. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only as a sorcery. When this creature dies, if it had one or more -1/-1 counters on it, its owner draws that many cards and each other player loses that much life. 0/5 Illustrated by Mariah Tekulve

brb, going to add "oft-nabbed" to my vocabulary

#MTGLorwyn

a snowy day, road with card in traffic, low viz, digital sign above says AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

yeah pretty much, sign

we’re in the vet’s office waiting room and they just called for Agamemnon. we all looked at the Great Dane but it turns out Agamemnon is an orange kitten in a backpack that makes him look like an astronaut cheese puff

no we can't do Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead we did that for Thatcher

when It Happens what song are we getting to the top of the charts

2026 is the year I switch to "that's so real bestie" as a way to get out of a Jeopardy! contestant interview.

a four-legged ceramic goose, standing on the dashboard of a car

this one is called goose horse

spending $6 five times should not equal spending $30

"this might be all there is ," u say emphatically . "we might have nothing left." outside , the snow falls