A Dog

Breaking news: The method most males almost certainly use to scratch their testicles (the pinch/rub) works AMAZINGLY well on dog eyes.

OH MY GOD. The people behind the holocaust were just doing "an awkward wave" lol we were all wrong! It wasn't the alt right! It was just a bunch of *checks notes* Nazis declaring.. awhh fuck..

I'm being genuine here. I'm turning 40 soon and recently have been living alone for the first time. I've come to the realization that whole or half ham = watermelon but meat. You can just bite it and put it back.

It will always make me angry that the people who follow this guy managed to label the left as the "party of hatred" because they shouted it louder. They like "DEMS R FULL OF HATE! FUCK IMMIGRANTS THEY SHOULD BE PUT IN CAMPS BUT REMINDER: ITS THE LEFT WHO IS FULL OF HATE!" and people are like "Okay."

Sitting here holding half a ham and taking bites like its an apple as I watch true crime shit. Living alone rules. Ed Gein made a nipple belt. *takes a bite of ham* you can't make this shit up.

Me: I'll make a sandwich.... from across the room!

Wife: No... wtf... you'll make a huge mess.

Me: Oh ye of little faith. *makes a huge mess* sorry I'll defer to you from now on.

fElon Muskrat is such a pudgy, useless nerd. I am eager to see what he has in store for the MAGAts who are currently going at his throat. He thinks he's God because of his slavery-inherited wealth. He's the epitome of a joke. He reached success via. coat tails, he plummeted and failed on his own.

Living alone rules. I have half of a ham that I randomly pull out of my fridge and take bites out of like its a watermelon.

On a ship with not nearly enough fuel? agreed.

Oh hello every summer break from school, where my buddy and I would co-op this game!

Merry Christmas to you, Kat! I hope you and yours are having a fantastic day!

Oof haha gifted a responsibility. Rough.

Help your brother/sister out and drop a link.

I have never heard the term "Yankee Swap" but PLEASE tell me it is the Euro term for "white elephant" because that's honestly hilarious and awesome. If not, grats on the popcorn. True story, I did white elephant ONCE. I ended up with a cheap cardboard donald trump mask and a pokemon hat. Never again

Today is for you and them together. Cliche, but you don't know what you've got 'til its gone. I'm fortunate enough to have an AMAZING friend with an AMAZING family who has taken me in after my family passed away. Their group chat is non-stop. I get mad at my phone going off until I see who it is.

=( I messaged a bunch of friends "Merry Christmas!" messages this morning.. individualized.. One of them was a super nice uber driver I had. We exchanged numbers for potential business reasons.

The random ass Uber driver is the only one who has replied =(

I honestly think Chinese food on Christmas Day should be a national norm... but I have a bias so you might not want to ask me where we should go to eat. (not Jewish, but am jealous they're eating mounds of house fried rice today!)

Absolutely.. and I'm sorry for seeming like a defeatist. Just so tired of rules not mattering for trumps goon squad. The richest man in the world is about to grab the most power position in the world. Its 100% proven Gaetz RAPED A MINOR, and the PRESIDENT ELECT is like "its not a big deal." WTF WTF?

I want to see this for my own personal LOLs.. but it won't change a goddamn thing. Anybody who thinks the right hasn't prepared, in spades, for the fact that their mentally deficient, incoherent walking corpse rapist puppet might die soon is incredibly naive. the rights like "Heil Hydra!"

I don't hate this idea but I just feel like everything is so corrupt, we'll just see "Trump certifies self and is now president" and again, Americans will be like "awh ok" *returns to consuming reality TV and fast food non-stop while being sad*

And apparently we're just spreading our cheeks and taking it as we see other "less developed" countries take to the streets en masse to defend their rights. Our lack of mass protests has me feeling like we are complacent and deserve all of this.

And plunge us into war, would demolish our economy, and would make us ripe for the picking for Russia. People who wanted groceries to be cheaper voted for a guy who wants to go to war with people we import so many groceries from. Prepare to get a 2nd or 3rd job just to breathe. USA is done.

Punching nazis will always be an American tradition. Its honestly weird to me that we can't punch overt nazis IRL without potentially catching charges. I mean, it SORTA makes sense in context of who is about to take over, but currently? Wtf govt? Let me bang! lol Trump doesn't want to get punched.

The Republicans currently have two dad's. Think about that.

Y'all have any big plans for when the right brings Polio back? I think I'll just stay in and continue embedding my palm into my face.

We're an oligarchy now. 100%. Trump is paying his debts for Elon's presidential position by giving billionaires cabinet positions. This isn't new information.. but It is information that should have us en masse out in the streets. But instead we're all fat and happy and unwilling to do anything.

I wonder who is writing these? There's no way trump suddenly became coherent. President Musk probably took over his accounts and has an intern on it.

He's definitely got someone writing for him now. That was ASTONISHINGLY coherent.. maybe the first coherent thing I've actually seen. That is not him. Musk probably had an intern write it.

Oh yeah. Fire is actually god's jam, too.