Will

Oh no aggh the lightning is killing me aggh oh no oh no

President Garfield getting nominated because his speech was too good is what’ll happen to me if I ever put effort into these posts

“Exile” here meaning something like “hang out in Brooklyn”. We used to have abandoned islands for this stuff

Michael Jordan is about to come back and put Jones in his damn place

Got it out. Thanks for the concern

Leave it to Chuck Kirk to ruin Shattenfroh publication week. Doorstop German lit was having a moment

Something nefarious is trapped behind my eye

If feet were true friends, you wouldn’t have to ask them not to fail you so much

The should teach practical math in school, like “if you have another beer, how many exits does the house have and can anyone stop you driving home?”

Posting no-like content to save this website

That friend with the special gas so you don’t get too twisted (from the bends)

I think I need a new water bottle every 8-9 months

Cavs is truly my favorite drummer these days

Brayan Bello is the plate of jalapeño poppers you decide to eat solo. Seems like a good idea, for a while you’re convinced you’re onto something, but ultimately you’re left feeling bad. Like flaming diarrhea bad

Celtics flat out direspectful with the Porzingis, Hauser, PP, and Kornet lineup. Orlando, Joe Mazzula is laughing at you. I’d say do something, but Mazzula knows ancient ways to kill

Derrick White should’ve been in Hegseth’s second group chat. It’s the playoffs, and White’s the baddest guy out there when it matters most.

My dog is having ham dreams

Whose idea was waking up early to bake Easter baguettes? Punch that guy in the dick

The thing about Pynchon’s books is they’re always fun, even the lesser ones

New Pynchon novel? That’s right

PTA should let me watch his new movie early because I’m going to get it way more than anyone else

What’s going on with baseball players? How do they catch a cold then lose 30 pounds from unrelenting diarrhea?

Opprobrium gotta be one of the worst -iums to face, but maybe don’t believe evil shit

I’m such a bad artist, I had to trace my dick on a cybertruck

Ivan Ilyich dies on page 1, then Tolstoy goes on writing great shit after great shit. Mother fucker gave the reader dessert first. 10/10

Not only should democrats wear pink tonight, but they should get a little slutty with it. Really show ‘em you’re serious

I don’t know who Libby is, but I would wade through sewage for her and her app

They tried to blow it, but they can’t even do that right

I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but the damn Bruins are going to blow another lead late in the third

Supermarkets are a great place to meet dickheads