l've just arrived at my speed
awareness course an hour early.
#dadjokes
06.03.2026 23:58
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l've just arrived at my speed
awareness course an hour early.
#dadjokes
I once stayed up overnight in the YMCA.
It was OK, but I wouldn't make a song and dance about it.
#dadjokes
Been busy. Back now. 😎
Broken quiz machine for sale.
£10, no questions asked!
#dadjokes
Apparently, the Police have found an abandoned car, with half a set of golf clubs in the trunk.
They are still looking for the driver.
#dadjokes
Police are investigating why the plaque on the wall outside the Colgate head office, keeps disappearing.
#dadjokes
I forgot to pay my monthly subscription to the Scrabble Club.
They are now sending me threatening letters.
#dadjokes
I just ran a marathon in Sweden.
I knew I was lost when I crossed the Finnish line.
#dadjokes
Still annoyed at my school mates for voting me as “most likely to hold a grudge.”
#dadjokes
Did you know that the earthworm is only there to make sure that the other worms don't get electrocuted?
#dadjokes
I’ve realised I’m not a fan of lemon preserve.
It’s just a curd to me.
#dadjokes
I went to see my doctor about my blocked ears.
She gave me some drops and told me to put two drops in my beers every night.
Sadly I still can't hear much.
#dadjokes
The Invisible Man and the invisible Woman got married.
No idea what they saw in each other.
I hear the kids are nothing to look at either.
#dadjokes
Someone just tried to get me to steal fishing tackle.
But, I didn’t take the bait.
#dadjokes
Nearly finished my sandwich making course.
Tomorrow it's my final eggs ham.
#dadjokes
Went around and bought five watches the other day.
I have a lot of time on my hands.
#dadjokes
My New Year’s resolution is to be more punctual.
#dadjokes
I thought that I heard someone say “hello” in Arabic.
But, it was a false salaam.
#dadjokes
I used to be addicted to soap.
I'm clean now!
#dadjokes
My chiropractor has a lot of appointments this week.
She’s seeing patients back to back.
#dadjokes
My mate’s wife is a funeral director. They have two vehicles.
His and Hearse.
#dadjokes
I saw a chicken at the gym yesterday….
working on his pecks.
#dadjokes
BREAKING NEWS.
A Parisian has fallen through the roof of a bakery.
He is believed to be in a lot of pain.
#dadjokes
Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?
Or, is it just one of Granny's myths?
#dadjokes
Two bed bugs fell in love and are getting married in the spring.
#dadjokes
Still remember 2025 like it was yesterday.
#dadjokes
Before I start drinking and forget what day it is ….
I want to wish everyone a happy St Patrick's Day!
#dadjokes
Someone phoned me sneezed then hung up.
These cold calls are a nuisance.
#dadjokes
The inventor of cheap wrapping paper has sadly passed away.
RIP
#dadjokes
My New Year’s resolution is to buy a massive Velcro wall.
And I plan on sticking to it.
#dadjokes