John

If a phlebologist fails at a treatment strategy is it fair to say they made a vein attempt?

Magic mushrooms my ass. I ate some and nothing magical happened for the entire 2,000 years I spent living on a rainbow and herding unicorns.

I love how in England you can say “cunt” to anyone - a kid, the king, the chancellor of the exchequer - but heaven forbid if you use the wrong fork.

I’ve been posting skeets from my drafts and it’s made me realize why they were in the drafts

An outstanding warrant for my arrest has been downgraded to an above average warrant.

Just a reminder to the Trump administration:

It is not the medias job to make the president “look good” by reporting good things about him. It’s their job to keep the people informed which holds the government accountable for their actions.

#impeachtrump #nokings

What the fuck is wrong with America. That his approval is anywhere near 40 is madness. He should be closer to 20.

Fuck sake the dems and others are not making the case that he is STEALING democracy from under their noses. In plain sight.

Something must be done.

almost like she has a red phone that rings whenever we have a dumb war with any country starting with I

Not electing Kamala Harris has got to be the
most colossal fuck up America has ever made .

Harper to the judge: "Your driver's license doesn't list your height and weight at birth. It doesn't list where you used to live. It identifies who you are now."

This is one of the most jaw dropping moments of Trump’s presidency. Up there with brainstorming about injecting bleach and shining light up orifices to cure COVID.

My kids have measles, there are no jobs, and the country is at war. But at least now I can buy raw milk with my HSA card.

I need a reporter to ask Mike Johnson what it's like to have no dignity or self-respect.

Or just tell him that Trump called him "the world's best ass kisser" or something like that, and watch as Johnson thanks his boss for the compliment.

Counterpoint: This is exactly not what unconditional surrender means.

lmao Trump is not even pretending to listen to Steve Scalise

It’s Whiskey Friday with Tony Dokoupil, and buddy, I’m all out of Tony Dokoupil

So let me get this straight ...

1. US bombs Iran
2. Oil price goes up a bit, benefitting Russia's petrostate
3. Russia gives Iran targeting info
4. Oil price shoots WAY up
5. US unsanctions Russian oil

“So he is using YOUR Tax Dollars to protect oil tankers from attacks in the Strait of Hormuz, which will cause gas prices to go up - because he started a war using YOUR Tax Dollars.”
-Rep. Mary Gay Scanlon

Scenes from a personalist regime: it is the presidential vibes that determine when the opponent has surrendered and when the war is over, not any pesky observable facts

Things that DO NOT MATTER, according to the media, when Republican's are in charge:

- inflation
- egg prices
- gas prices
- the deficit
- jobs numbers
- wars
- lying to Congress

A duel at ten paces seems like a reasonable way to resolve this.

why are taters the only thing we’ve totted

US Employers Unexpectedly Cut Jobs, Unemployment Rises February data call labor market stabilization narrative into question

Congrats to everyone who voted for Trump and a Republican Congress "for the economy." This is what you get, a sputtering job creation engine that can't make progress like before and keeps rolling backwards.

www.bloomberg.com/news/article...

On behalf of the entirety of America, I just want to say that "we," as a group, are not doing this. It is literally just a handful of people who apparently can do whatever they want.

He's yelling at the dumbass Fox News guy. Definitely starting to feel the heat. Will it matter? Who knows, but he's not comfy right now and that makes me feel good.

I think most of us would have been OK if they had killed off Jayne, btw.

And although I want to see Wash return whatever retcon they might do to make that happen would just piss me off.

I keep seeing Nathan Fillion fanning the flames of a ‘Firefly’ reboot rumor and denying that they’re publicizing a podcast or a convention. A part of me wants to see that but I fear the moment has passed and it would be as warmly received as Picard, S1.

A welcome mat that says “Welcome Matt” so only Matthews will feel good about visiting.

GENIE: what is your wish

ME: an ice cream cone from mcdonalds

GENIE: sorry the machine is down