valerie 🦋

Marked Safe From Valyrian Steel Dagger – Today

A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms season 1 in the books

danny devito, awestruck and tearing up, saying “i get it now”

finally made it out of the starting area in dark souls 3

while you were studying the blade, i went to the store

a daytime job..?

Snake, that’s Harry. he doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene. he’s got a daytime job, and he’s doing alright

[pulling up to my softball games] oh i’m sorry, is a sportsball happening today? 🙄

small-government conservatism is when a guy in a mask who won't show you his badge shoots you through the window of your car while you're driving away from him

gungan dj khaled: WEESA SUPER BOMBAD MUSIC

when i was playing dark souls 2 i couldn’t stop singing “bearer of the curse” to the tune of master of the house from les mis

the patriotism only gets to come out when we're sinking british or german battleships

kermit the frog singing rainbow connection

why are
there so many
werewolves
in london

Upon seeing its bomb bay doors open, Lt. Col. James Lou Who fired one AIM-9 Sidewinder missile that struck the Grinch aircraft, causing it to crash-land in an unoccupied field. Our battle damage assessment indicates there were no survivors. Thank you.

Good afternoon. At 12:47 this morning, two F-15C fighters scrambled from Whoville Air Force Base intercepted a Grinch strategic bomber in Who airspace. The aircraft did not respond to multiple radio commands to leave our airspace, and its ADS-B transponder was turned off.

a flash of green against the tree line. i shoulder my rifle and take aim. a deafening crack splits the frozen night air and the grinch drops like a rock. i climb down to collect its pelt. when i get back to town, it’ll fetch enough money to buy my wife and children a roast beast

desperately rubbing my hands together for warmth in the watchtower as i scan the horizon for grinches

grimly pursuing a grinch across the city’s rooftops like agent smith in the matrix

does anyone know if the department of game and fish is open on friday? i forgot to get my hunting permit for grinch season

orc who started in the mailroom at Barad-dûr and worked his way up to Nazgûl

we have Josie. we have Peg. we have Jive Miguel, who’s in from Bogotá. we have Doctor Wu. we have Lady Bayside. we have Chino and Daddy Gee. we have all these characters

A panel from the Watchmen graphic novel showing a disembodied humancirculatory system walking through a kitchen while three line cooks look on in terror. The text box reads: “IT'S NOVEMBER 10TH NOW. THERE IS A CIRCULATORY SYSTEM WALKING THROUGH THE KITCHEN…”

fellas, it’s too rough to feed ya

unfortunately i’m too stubborn to ever leave twitter, but i’m not really getting the attention i think i deserve over there anymore, so i’m syndicating the good stuff over here (at least until i get bored or forget)

omg hi! long time no see!

my job on the leftist commune would be middle reliever with an ERA that hovers around 5.60 and every time i trot out of the bullpen the home fans go “ugh not HER again” but they keep me on the roster because i’m a solid presence in the clubhouse. sorry what was the question again

don’t forget to leave a plate of taconite ore pellets out tonight for the Edmund Fitzgerald

under no circumstances do you ever “gotta hand it to” Ken Rockwell

genuinely would rather have Peggy Hill tacos

obviously not the point but this is one of the worst looking plates i’ve ever seen

look at my fucking opposition party dog

TV Chef Fantasy League: Come for the Top Chef recaps, stay for the hockey opinions.

(Yeah, this was last week's episode, but I'm catching up. You should too! maximumfun.org/podcasts/tv-...)

Two things about @ifycomedy.com:

1) He's not afraid to put a hat on a hat
2) He's slurping down a food bowl

TV Chef Fantasy League is chopping up Top Chef: Destination Canada: Week 1

▶️ maximumfun.org/episodes/tv-chef-fantasy-league/week-1-risotto-already-top-chef-destination-canada/