kiva (is writing a trans novel)

i'm going to miss this weekend's chapter of the tower.

i feel weird about that.

tonight i will sing; tomorrow i will dance; the day after that, sex?

it feels like a progression of debauchery. like a warning tale with illustrations showing me falling apart, with the last panel labeled 'REGRET' or something like that

(i won't be having any regrets but i'm willing to pretend)

those are *really* good boots.

now i want new boots 😅

it is what made me go from 'dancing is okay' to 'i need to go out tonight because i have not danced in almost a week and that's too long'

the feeling of being in my body and experiencing its physicality is like magic.

... dammit now i'm reminded that i have no k and no easy way to get it

it's so very good. 😵‍💫

*pausing in the middle of packing a suitcase* wait that wasn't an offer, was it

shit

I'm offended that I'm never the biggest freak at the Merc, and it's time to address that. Like,

tomorrow is goth club time. I think I need to lean much, much further into a Radical Romantics look for this one. Something like this but more so. So that I look like I have consumption.

(this is totally gonna work)

me lurking outside the really sketchy bathrooms at the club with this look, begging: please, miss, may i have some of your drugs

i am a waif and have none of my own

it also kept the sun off my face during a massive heat wave in Rome. and it didn't really fit my big ass head.

i'd still wear it now, though, if i still had it. 😅

yeah but that hat was pretty great

decided the estrogen fountain of youth effect was unfair so that's me at 30 vs me at 50. 😅

yeah okay maybe

it's only meat and bone. i will remake it until it pleases me.

no this is worth reposting

i will *never*

🥰 we both kinda won, huh

girl holy shit

When I go in to talk to them about BA I'm specifically going to ask for the titty basilisk option.

I can't even imagine 🫠

the surgeon showed me pictures of what my ffs results might look like and I wanted to cry

I want this so bad.

perhaps we'll fall in love

'why do you want ffs so bad'

I want to look like this from every angle.

Sometimes? Sometimes I feel it.

Yep.

I yelled at my mom, only mostly joking, for getting me circumcised as a baby. 'so much perfectly useful potential pussy, wasted!'

Might fuck around and write a long thread about the Forever Transition, since surgery scheduling has me thinking about the whole idea of transition as a process, rather than a destination.