@killthethingyouluv
Your favorite mentally ill poet/artist/musician. Nonbinary. Spoused. Cat parent. Professional raconteur and misanthrope. I'm on substack: https://tedjackins.substack.com/ Find me on Instagram: @mount_mourn Books available on Amazon!
Dr. House surrounded by bottles of medicine and clutching a cane
The patients nicknamed me Dr. House because of my sarcasm. I guess I did kind of stalk the halls making dry remarks.
Daddy used to tell me, everything comes down
To what they say about you when you're not around
And I wish that he was here now, I'm sure he would be proud
No one talks about me now
The voices are too loud
-Patterson Hood
Thinking of doing a special podcast episode about my hospital stay called How Ted Spent Their Winter Vacation.
Sure, you've seen the X Files. But Have you ever seen The X Files with a room full of a mentally ill people?
Yes. Like, my first therapist was eventually stripped of his license he was so bad.
This place was kind of hit or miss. The weekend and third shift crew were great but the first shift drs didn't hide they didn't care. Basically they just held till your meds were stable.
Every time I do in patient treatment the first medicine they try works. Which is great because they also suggested Lithium which sounded awful.
This coming out the day I got out of psych is like mental illness christmas.
fugazi.bandcamp.com/album/albini...
As soon as I started having suicidal thoughts I went straight to the ER. Please if you're in a dark place don't hesitate to get help.
and thanks for always checking in on me. It means a lot.
Yeah, I kinda had to duck out for my sanity for a bit but I am good now. I am also not crying for no reason anymore so that is definitely welcome.
I stayed in the psych ward and all I got was this lousy t shirt
I told a patient this joke after I wrote it in there and added that we should get punch cards too.
Interesting things of note since taking the Topamax. I was having dizzy spells for a while. Gone. Must have been anxiety. My inner monologue is kind of dulled now. My nervous tics like curling my fingers and lips, blinking, etc are also gone.
It fucking better be!
I just got out of the psych ward for the third time so just two more stays and I get a free key chain!
Thank you, for once I am too.
Thank you to all the well wishers and such over the last week while I was in the psych hospital. I am on a mood stabilizer now and feel way more stable than I have in years so hopefully that continues. I have to admit though i fibbed when I said I wasn't suicidal. I was but just lying to myself.
As soon as I get out of the hospital I am going to attempt to get rich so I can just fly around the world giving all of you a hug.
I'll trade you. It's been raining here for days.
Instagram be like "Hi, we can see you're struggling so we've banned you from sending messages for three days so you couldn't reach out to anyone anyway. Hope this helps."
I read somewhere that depression is having a heart that wants to live and a brain that wants to die. I am constantly fighting to keep going. My brain is a liar.
One thing an adult said that did a lot of damage to me is when I was in the earliest point of my depression (12/13) they insisted that the big secret of the world is no one is actually happy. What a heavy trip to lay on a kid. Especially one who was extra sensitive.
Still pretty weepy today and a little nervous but I'm still determined to go in the hospital this evening.
"She's as sweet as Tupelo honey,
she's an angel of the first degree.
She's as sweet as Tupelo honey,
just like honey, babe, from the bee."
-Van Morrison
Aaahhh the kid's art class was amazing 🙌🏾 We did collage, and I got the best feedback:
They said this was the first activity of the camp that kept all 15 participants engaged 🤌🏾 I love working with autistic kids 🤎
I'm so excited I get to go back again at the end of the month 🙏🏽
Turn phone sideways
I'm deeply insecure about my appearance but I married a photographer who is insistent that I be her subject for most of her projects. It has done wonders for my self esteem over the years. She always says she wished I saw myself how she does and the photos she gets from me helps me to do just that.
I used to watch reruns of this and lots of other classic tv with my grandpa. I have always said he's why my taste in movies and tv are so eclectic. He loved westerns, cop dramas, godzilla, etc.
This is how it is for me some times. I once wrote a 200 plus page collection of poems in a month because they just would not stop coming.
