Keith Burge

We are the faeces of modern Britain!

I might have struggled had #WorldBookDay been a thing when I was a kid. The only book we had in the house - and I've no idea why - was "Whose Side Are You On Ref?", the autobiography of Norman Burtenshaw. This may explain both my many shortcomings and obsession with football.

Guess how many donations I've had? Go on, guess. And then go to Just Giving, search on my name and make it a different number. Please.

"I mean, we're not exactly dealing with Abraham Lincoln."

"War, huh, yeah What is it good for?
The share prices of armaments suppliers and fossil fuel companies."

"Some of your kids have to die, so that mine can get richer. That's the way it is."

"And so we've simply decided to change its name to the 'FIFA Bombing Award'."

"I was raring to go, but then I got these darn bone spurs..."

Apparently, Reform only lost the by-election because people went into polling stations and voted for another candidate. Shocking.

This morning, please spare a thought for Matt Goodwin. As to what that thought is, I shall leave entirely up to you.

Keith's 1,000km Challenge Help Keith Burge raise money to support James' Place Charity

Less than 8 weeks to go and I'm still looking for accommodation as follows: Sat 25 April Halesworth; Mon 27 April Ringstead; Tues 28 April Holbeach; Fri 1 May Bridlington; Sun 3 May Middlesbrough. Help would be very much appreciated, thank you. www.justgiving.com/page/keith-burge-1000k-challenge

Joe, the stadium of steel and the famous five. 24 February 2026: Salford City 1, Shrewsbury Town 2.

For my football followers, the latest A Large Grouse match day sketch is getting lost for words - something of a disadvantage in written communication.

#SALSHR #Salop
🟦🟧🟦🟧🟦🟧🟦🥃

open.substack.com/pub/alargegr...

Keith's 1,000km Challenge Help Keith Burge raise money to support James' Place Charity

Thanks so much to my Virgin Money Foundation colleague Nancy Doyle-Hall for her kind contribution, taking me to one third of my target. Please feel free to join in.

www.justgiving.com/page/keith-burge-1000k-challenge

"I'm just sorry I don't support Shrewsbury" #salop #FiveInARow

However much the person giving the massage was paid, it wasn't enough.

"I told them, I've never even met a Miss Conduct."

Keith's 1,000km Challenge Help Keith Burge raise money to support James' Place Charity

Suicide is the main cause of death in men under 50. So here's the deal: I'll try to run 1,000 km in 12 days from the Thames to the Tyne and you send some money to @jamesplaceuk.bsky.social via the link below. Between us, we might just save a life.
www.justgiving.com/page/keith-burge-1000k-challenge

A man was walking from Jerusalem to Jericho when he was attacked by robbers and left half-dead on the side of the road. The first two passers by ignored him. The third was Nadhim Zahawi. Who ran straight into a radio studio to slag him off.

Roses are red
Violets aren't
Donald would like to
But Melania can't.
#ValentinesDay

Nick Ferrari: "Do you feel safe in London?"
Nadhim Zahawi: "No...an individual walked past me...and I walked into the middle of the road."
NF: "What was he doing?"
NZ: "He looked as if he hadn't slept for a week... he might have been reviewing my expenses. Or my tax return."

Keith's 1,000km Challenge Help Keith Burge raise money to support James' Place Charity

Thanks to our wonderful Chair of Virgin Money Foundation Amanda Jordan OBE for her very kind donation. I'm just shy of raising £2,000 for @jamesplaceuk.bsky.social. Can you help me to reach that milestone before the weekend training gets underway?
www.justgiving.com/page/keith-burge-1000k-challenge

"I can't be bought. Unless it's £1.2m a year from GB News, £280,000 for advertising gold bullion, £4,000 for 2 days work a month for the Telegraph or £70 a shot for a Cameo video. Oh and free flights and accommodation paid for by billionaires. And possibly a house in Clacton."

Colonised by immigrants you say? Well, yes. Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Romans, Vikings, Normans...

Keith's 1,000km Challenge Help Keith Burge raise money to support James' Place Charity

When running 2 marathons a day, you could do with a bed for the night - and I'm still looking for ones as follows:
Sat 25/4-Halesworth
Sun 26/4-Reepham
Mon 27/4-Ringstead
Tue 28/4-Holbeach
Fri 1/5 Bridlington
Sun 3/5-Middlesbrough
Help much appreciated
www.justgiving.com/page/keith-b...

Oh bad luck BBC! There you are coming live from Downing Street in the hope and expectation that the PM would have resigned by now but, as it is, you're left trying desperately to further ramp up the speculation. Ah well, never mind.

Thanks. You too.

Apparently, Donald Trump is the most honest man in the world. And Bonnie Blue is a virgin.

"And so in response to criticism that we'll be harming children in order to subsidise pubs, we're lowering the age at which you can drink in a boozer to five."

"Nobody knows more about paedophilia than I do."

Keith's 1,000km Challenge Help Keith Burge raise money to support James' Place Charity

My 1,000k Challenge FAQs
1 Support crew? In my dreams.
2 Where are you sleeping? A mix of kind hospitality and sleeping rough.
3 Why are you doing it? Stupidity. And too many men taking their own lives for want of a timely intervention. So cough up www.justgiving.com/page/keith-burge-1000k-challenge