kelpy!!!

the sink helps you with water

i need it to be warm enough to enjoy a beautiful sunset bike ride blasting pitch a fit by petey and i’m not gonna shut up about it until that happens

if i can't ride my bike down the lakefront trail at sunset on a warm evening soon, just SEE how long it takes me to absolutely lose my shit.

you gotta live through the whole thing

i know we're your normiest friends but to not make the cut...........devastating.....................

wait dude wtf we’re watching mad men for the first time right now too

it was my first time seeing it and tbh i wouldn’t have it any other way

it makes me so mad when they say "no-bake cookies." there has to be some decorum

he saw the news and he was like “goddammit”

my theory is the UHC assassin was actually just a regular murderer and he got a high-profile CEO on accident

Last week I met a person who believes in ghosts, aliens, & vampires, & when I asked “so what DON’T you believe in” she narrowed it down to just werewolves & god. I can’t stop thinking about this

she’s mad because i told her not to hit her sister

you wouldn’t hit her with your car, would you?!

what's the most unappealing set of words in the english language? i'll go first - "virtual silent retreat"

they said it couldn't be done

accidentally copied the format of JP’s mattmac tweet sorry everyone

being sick isn’t so bad, you can eat a bagel and watch it’s complicated

this new app ain’t so bad it’s got my friend matt mac

bsky is probably gonna crash today too so i’m gonna go ahead and hop off to let the Real posters cook. until we meet again 🫡

i will divorce you

……you’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice

okay but do you realize how much effort this takes
this is like 30 minutes of lullabies and gentle pats on the back at MINIMUM

like it’s not like i thought the crab was having a great day but y’know

i wanted to make my banner pic on here that pic of the crab with a knife but when i googled “crab with a knife” it led me to an article about how that was animal abuse and that bummed me out tbh