Three tiny Robs in a trenchcoat

I happen to like my bacteria, sir.

So, you met this man. In person?

Yes.

You've spoken with him. Correct?

Yes.

And you're contemplating hiring him?

Yes.

At any point, at SOME time, did someone point out that his first name is Markwayne? That.... that didn't set off any red flags?

I should really start thinking about my financial future.

Surely some of these €39 silver coins from a TV advert will secure my family's prosperity.

I'm starting to think that cat reading the newspaper pondering purchasing a boat might be on to something.

I forget who but there's someone with like 146k followers who only follows like 105 people.

And I'm one of them for reasons I don't fully understand.

Like, that joke I made about Animaniacs or whatever must've really landed.

A screenshot of a Grok Twitter post roasting Elon Musk in crude language, following a request from Kim Dotcom.

@sarahandco.bsky.social

I thought you'd appreciate this masterful roast by Musk's own creation. 😂

Okay, so it's got a red, yellow, a white, and a blue.

Wait, wtf is the blue one for?

Oh, sorry. Can't help.

I only work in the abstract.

I mean, probably.

*horse plays thumb asshole*

Drink, bitch.

This delivery driver throws treats to all the dogs on his route to see if they can catch. Spoiler alert: some of them definitely cannot. Still 13/10 for all (TT: jezzyvi)

Clam shells. In the clam bisque.

There are legit clam shells in there

A clam chowder soup and for real Dublin hits f*cking hard.

This shit should just be straight up illegal.

More flavor per cubic centimeter squared I have EVER had!
*nomnom nom nom*

I don't feel so bad now.

Mine was just an empty big-ass suitcase.

Same.

Like, "I don't actually know what to do in this situation.... I'll put a few $$s on that. Make that whole situation go away..."

I don't actually know what the proper protocol is for when you buy new luggage/suitcases when you're already traveling

Do you just leave the old ones in your hotel room?

Kinda like "fuck it, not my problem?"

Because that's what I did.

My nieces/ nephew are going to be REALLY upset when they learn what I'm blowing their inheritance on.

Tuna. Noodle. Casserole.

Think about it. You always hated it growing up. But could you put your own spin on this time-honored dish?

I'd never flown through Zurich before.

This is the least interested in anything I have ever been in my whole life.

I said "frisbee."

Damn.
Let's not oversell this.

*writing resume*
Skills: Can toss a frisbee

This is like, the most Dutch shit ever

School Field Trip.
To the Museum for Street Art and Graffiti.

I hope in 10 years urban explorers are posting eerie pics of data centers like old shopping malls left alone and abandoned to rot away in time.

DOCTOR: The news is bad. It may be time to put your affairs in order

ME: [awkward whisper] Dude, my wife is like, right there.

My body holds 2 people at once right now. I have 2 heart beats. I am a Time Lord

Now time to get back into the US, unfortunately

Probably just me, but blacklights have a more of a purple/ violet hue to them.

Confused florist for flourish so I spent the entire job interview spinning my katana like an idiot. 45 minute long sword act and they wait til the end to tell me.

I've had France24 on in the background for a few hours.

100% wall-to-wall coverage of Iran.

Not even a five-minute aside to address the Epstein 'philes.

They're just so dumb it physically hurts sometimes.

Like fremdschämen on a logarithmic scale.