The Artist Formerly Known As The Iron Sherk 🇵🇸

Every CEO of every company that makes earbuds needs to be Luigi’d

Listening to Party in the USA in a steam room in Vietnam. Never kill yourself

I don’t condone cheating, but the piña colada song and lips of an angel are both great songs idgaf

[Werner Herzog voice] He is monstrous, but in a more profound sense, Cookie Monster is also a victim

Those are my emotional support four coke zeroes

The bon jovi rest stop is "halfway there" between my house and my mom's and I think that's beautiful

I’m sorry but you just don’t find quality content like this on Bluesky

I tend to stick with the classics

American standard is such a classic urinal brand. Doesn’t get any better than that

Got a balloon animal dog and writhing six minutes I had him humping the table

I'm not negative. I'm chaotic positive

*performs a lobotomy and plays the empty recycle bin sound*

In Thailand third base is buying her four goldfish

You can just get a burger and a beer after walking home from the gym. Nobody is stopping you.

Imagine being in Cannibal Corpse and that one guy was always like, hey how about a song about rotting flesh

imagine being in The Beach Boys and that one guy was always like, hey how about a song about surfing

Almost done boarding and there’s nobody else in my row for a ten hour flight this is what dreams are made of

A second wave of libs has hit bluesky

All my life I knew I wanted to grow up to listen to Steely Dan by the pool

Doing God’s work (teaching the youth of Thailand about Taking Back Sunday)

If you use the same piece of equipment at the gym for an hour straight I should be able to kick you in the balls

Met a Swedish guy at the bar the other night and now we are in a friends with benefits situation except the benefits are we will be liking each others instagram stories for the foreseeable future

Liking her instagram story 38 seconds after being posted in the least creepy way possible

This is a highly intriguing offer

Becoming a better photographer after your ex said you sucked at taking pictures is a form of therapy

Standing with my arms folded and not dancing when the red hot chili peppers song comes on at the bar

What is the point of throw pillows other than for throwing them on the floor

This reeks of desperation birthday boy