It’s Dana, actually

I had to write a check today. And like that wasn’t bad enough, I tried to date it 2012.

I don’t smoke weed I just get in the elevator at work

attempting the dirty dancing lift with my cat but his upper body strength is just pathetic

Ugh I really wish someone would ask me to accept actual cookies.

Good morning to everyone except the people with eyelashes on their headlights.

I am starting to resent my hair for the good days because now it’s shown me what it’s capable of but will rarely do for me.

My daughter in law just sent me a video of me dancing on a table asking if we could recreate it and who am I to deny the people what they want.

Our fitness center at work is nice because it’s a place for me to work out for free and also a good place for the building security guys to poop while they’re here I guess.

I accidentally pushed the door close button on the elevator on someone riding a mobility scooter so I guess I’m going to hell for sure now.

Spotify DJ: I know you probably don’t love Valentine’s Day but here’s a great Valentine’s Day song for you.

Wtf Xavier?! And yes, he actually said that.

OMG BLANK AND BLANK GOT ENGAGED ON THEIR TRIP TO BLANK!

Someone I know got engaged and I’m dying to tell someone but it’s not my news to share but you guys don’t know him so I’m telling you all now sos I don’t explode trying to keep this secret.

I walked by someone in the store who smelled like salami. Now, I love salami but I do not think a person should smell that way.

My air fryer is great for brussels spouts if you like brussels spouts burnt on the outside and barely cooked on the inside.

We’re back for season 2 of The Mixed Tag Podcast with our Royal Rumble predictions.

Who’s punching their ticket to WrestleMania? Who’s getting that surprise pop? We break it all down and make our picks.

Link in bio.

#RoyalRumble #WWE #WrestlingPodcast #ProWrestling #RoadToWrestleMania

Pardon me if I linger too long in a hug. It’s just because you smell nice.

Hit every light green on my way to work so the bottom ought to be falling out of this day any minute now.

I have Siri set to American Voice 3 and ngl I kinda wish he was my boyfriend.

I really love my cat but he insists on making sure his cold nose is touching me at all times and I just don’t understand why he’s so weird.

I thought the butcher was flirting with me but turns out he was offering everyone a sample of his meat.

Whichever way the nurse tells me to put on the gown, there’s a 99.9% chance I’ll put it on the opposite way.

I was feeling kind of down on myself, so I decided to list things that make me special and lovable as a 46-year-old single woman. Then I remembered I’m 53. 🤦‍♀️

It’s the best thing I’ve seen all day.

Please tell me this is real.

Might fuck around and slide into some DMs. Jk I would never.

Good morning to everyone except the person who sends me an email and then immediately comes to my office to tell me they sent me an email.

Judging by the deep sighs coming from the next stall, public restrooms are where some people go to process the full weight of their existence.

Just me in my own little world trying to get in someone else’s car.

There’s nothing like the panic of realizing mid-stream that you forgot to lock the bathroom door at work.

I’m sorry you didn’t know me during old twitter when I was actually funny.