Bryann Thomas

If they’d been covered in Castrol oil would that make them Dubai chocolates?

Please insert floppy.

He’s been an arraigned scum bag several times.

Has he threatened to sue the electorate for voting the wrong way yet?
Have any of his legal threats seen the inside of a courtroom?

Don’t get me started on ducks. Gang rape, incest, drowning during sex. You see it all at the duck pond.

Someone else sees it too! I thought I was imagining it.

I heard you had a trial at Liverpool?
No, I was on trial in Liverpool.

Life on Mars isn’t over until the phone rings.

‘The Bill’. Every actor has been in it at some point. Although ‘Death in Paradise’ is catching up.

They have the 2nd amendment. That’s been used a few times to remove a President.

I thought for a long time that ‘hold back the river’ was by that bloke of Top Gear.

Why does fresh mozzarella come in a little bag with water? Is it some kind of goldfish?

One of my neighbours sells cushions on Etsy. Guess who has to print the labels for her? Luckily she only sells about 2 a month as they’re hideous.

He queued ages in the Berlin Waterstones to get it. Then Adolf spelled his name wrong, but he didn’t want to make a fuss.

Otters are very good at fighting on the beaches though.

She had a house? I always thought she lived in an airship.

Brian Cant’s beard? Did he like to play away?

Michael Fish always sends the most boring postcards.

The Senate still exists?

Finally, there might be an opening for my small penis.

Have you ever tried caffeine free Diet Coke? It’s just brown fizzy water. All the joy removed, just like your beans.

My school chemistry teacher was called David Richard Lastname. He signed everything as Dr Lastname. Nobody was impressed.

Dogging and furries together at last!

There is a light that never goes out. And it’s stopping me from sleeping.

I knew keeping the head from this work mascot would come in useful one day.

Have you been looking at my satnav favourites again?

Luckily there were no penguins during the time of dinosaurs.

Rolls Royce have tried submarines before:

I’m more of a coffee drinker.

This is known as the Scunthorpe problem.