MK

This is a safe space for valid non-sexist roasts of Met Gala attendees

Dudes be like “I laughed” after 20 minutes and three spirals when they could’ve just said lol in the first place

2024: bootlickers

2025: groundkissers

Ranch education but it’s just me teaching them how to spot a bad ranch dressing

No matter what anyone else says, the snakes have not escaped their enclosure. That is our incredibly rare Invisible Snake exhibit and you should be grateful.

Sincerely hoping the dream I had of a man in a chickensuit lurking in my backyard and telling me women need good Christian husbands never comes true.

I don’t need horror movies, I live in the USA

Grandma: Be sure to get your fist way up in that turkey. Stuff it so hard you get sore. Really rearrange its guts.

Me: You know what, I'm fine with letting this become a forgotten family recipe.

Unless they’ve sworn their fealty to me forever in an ancient pagan ritual, I’m not bringing them home for the holidays.

Another day, another "I'm getting too old for this shit".

I don’t need horror movies, I live in the USA

My parents told me the house would burn down if I didn’t clean out the lint trap enough

Me when I hear someone likes Miracle Whip

I tried to socialize and all I got was a cluster headache

That’s writer math

Have you tested yourself for being over 30?

keep testing myself for covid but nope, I'm just old and tired all the time

Yes

Imagine thinking you don’t have BPD just because you’re a snail

[“Hallelujah”]

Rumplestiltskin

Rumplestiltskin

Rumplestiltskin

Rumplestiiiiiiiiiiilllskin

At this point, jimmy go ahead and eat world

for my next trick i will not be getting out of bed today

The British campaign to save the turtles

Following someone on Spotify feels like passive stalking.

Diane Feinstein killed Tupac?!?!

Of course I light up the room. I’m very good with light switches