yoshi's lawyer

C: imagine if someone stopped watching in like season 3 and came back in 7 and they still hadn't kissed
M: 👀👀👀👀👀👀

C: did I miss them saying this guy's name or is he just like... Cancer Man?
M: 👀

We're only in season 2 and he's already crashing out about them being Like That

When youe ginger friend gets heat exhaustion and throws up in your bush on the first nice day of the year... come on man, beat the stereotypes 💔

You using ai to draft an email vs me writing the same email with my brain power in a shorter time period and having it say the exact same thing but with better grammar

Somehow showing C The X Files for the first time? I KNOW his parents watched it?? What was he doing??? And I just-

C: they will they/won't they them don't they?
M looking into the middle distance with dead eyes: you don't even know man

Started the Witcher and had a mild panic attack re: the horse I fear

Leo meowing at the sound of the ice melting and hitting the bottom of the gutters I'm weeping

If this man has no haters I'm dead

Do they make "congratulations on your divorce" cards? Because if there was ever a woman that deserved one-

This is specifically about my almost ex brother in law but please apply it where necessary because there are so many options

Me with my whole heart: fuck that guy

Normal Idaho activities I fear

Found out someone thought I was 25 this whole time and got outed because I didn't know who Big Time Rush is lmao surprise people in their mid 30s aren't expired skeletons they look just like you and are walking among you! They may even talk to you multiple times a week! Social media is lying to you!

Not Leo getting a Prozac prescription, he truly is our son

Image of the Yeti in the skiing Windows game SkiFree eating the player

Breaking: Tragedy at the Winter Olympics

Happy "stop asking me about Yonkers!!!" season to all who celebrate*

*live in NY and file taxes

God the one time I had it I was mid panic attack and then I was waking up in another room hours later??? How???

Two boys who finally stopped trying to kill each other and some poor fire safety practices ❤️

Peace in my house for the first time since August, probably because we were finally able to get a fucking vet appointment next week

Me saying "one legged lesbian" no less than 8 times on the stream tonight

Leaving a voicemail for my senator that just says "yeah girl give us nothing" so he finally delivers

Corbin fighting for his life trying to remember the nickname of a character from Prison Break (it's T Bag)

Thin rat

Me literally 11 months later noticing that this group chat is named Dungeon & Dragon. Only one dungeon. We're not heroes. Singular dragon.

Apparently my absolutely unhinged info dump on the roofer was deeply appreciated and the amount of detail I gave was super helpful for them to diagnose the issue lmao finally The Symptoms are working for me

Roofer: How old is your house?
Me: uhhhhh really old-
Roofer wishing I was dead:
Me: it was built in 1890
Roofer: oh. Yeah okay.

Me trying to find a normal household item to use to demonstrate size in a picture: idk toothpaste???
Me remembering I literally own a ruler: 🙃

Spent the summer crashing out, good thing there were no signs

Just watched my mailman drop off my mail, get to the end of the driveway, realize he was still holding my package and actually come back and drop it on the porch. I simply would have killed myself, appreciate it man