Stagger McTipsy, AKA Captain Awesome Motherfucker

Yeah, the Bible doesn't have any pictures and seeing the video somehow makes it all the more stomach-churning.

I still have my Nutrition textbook. It's around 1000 pages with multiple appendices. So I guess it depends what you mean by "minimally," but that was a yearlong course required before one could even reach the bachelor's level.

NUTRITION IS ALREADY PART OF THE CURRICULUM AND HAS BEEN FOR DECADES AT LEAST

Well, to be fair I don't think any members of U2 have been diagnosed with deadly brain tumors. If so, they might have called it quits. But yeah, when the options are: A) "Stop" or B) "Continue On Even Though You Don't Need Money At The Risk Of Killing Your Drummer" it seems like an obvious choice.

Things get rusty in Detroit.

It's the first film that comes to mind whenever anyone asks what I think is the best movie ever made. Really has no weaknesses, and all the ingredients of the story are used in exactly the perfect amounts.

"Uhhh...Harry Truman?"

I still use this as a response to questions I don't know the answer to, no matter the context.

Yeah I saw The Division Bell tour, and that Syracuse show beats out the other 300+ concerts I've seen. Never seen Roger, but my favorite Floyd stops when he *really* took over so that's OK. I'd rather hear anything from Meddle than something from The Final Cut any day.

One of the best bands ever. I miss 'em, but I get it. If the well is dry, stop throwing the bucket in.

We've learned something today. You're a "Risky Business" guy whereas I'm a "Blues Brothers" guy, and although they're dissimilar movies, we were able to easily set aside our differences to bond over Wayfarers. I feel like now I should say that somewhere in there is somehow the secret to world peace.

The best concert I've ever seen, and I've seen a shitload (approximately). Only time I've ever been too awestruck to dance.

A friend of mine summed up Gilmour's playing as thus: "He's never played a wrong note." I thought that was appropriate.

I suspect Brandon Beane is involved in this situation somehow.

I think we can all agree that a lot of really bad goofy shit has been done historically in God's name, but this might actually be a frontrunner for the most repugnant.

It's all different euphemistic language for what they really want to call them: "slave shacks."

I like the way the housing is referred to as "workforce units." That says a lot in such a small amount of words.

I once had cocaine named White Porsche. It went way too fast.

I'm pretty sure that means you'll be the recipient of six weeks' good luck. It's either that or it's an ancient Sumerian curse that causes one of your nipples to fall off. Definitely one or the other, though. I can never keep my omens straight.

I would have guessed Tupac. But I often guess incorrectly.

Anyone who pulls that shit deserves to have a candy bar thrown in their lemonade for the same reason. Or lime juice added to their Lucky Charms.

For great headlines, I'd recommend checking out Defector's group of writers. The words written after the headlines are usually excellent as well.

Anyone who would be uncomfortable about a movie is unrealistically sensitive. It's just moving pictures, not a fucking set of pajamas.

That's a mean thing to do to your paint job.

Oops, double shit. Already replied to the first post before reading this one. Anyway, in my batshit scenario one of the batshit features is they don't start Jones. Literally just give him a huge bag for no other reason than to shit in Indy's oatmeal. Otherwise it's actually not very entertaining.

Oh, I didn't mean it as an actuality. Only a true maniac would pay a quarterback $70M per. (Of course on the other hand, sports team owners are a notoriously squirrelly lot so I'd actually be way less surprised than any reasonable person should be if some kooky team owner decided something similar.)

You know what'd be funny? If the NFL team with the most cap space was in the same division as the Colts and then they offered Jones an amount Indy can't match but the offering team easily can with money left to spare because they have an affordable QB, just to fuck the Colts. Like $70M for one year.

Being the first person to take a shit in space must have been terrifying.

Should have gone with "HOW ARE YE." Because, y'know, then it would have rhymed and all.

She should be pressed. Preferably in a very large version of one of those duck presses you occasionally see at French restaurants.

An idea for a tour name:

The Guess Who's Still Alive Tour