My Honda Civic don't want none unless you got buns hun.

Dogs are like I came on this walk to pee on things or to pretend to pee on things and I'm all out of pee.

Bumblebees are the himbos of the bee world.

The leading cause of death for women in the workplace is homicide. For men, it's transportation accidents. Come on people, let's do better. We really need to do something about the car loneliness epidemic.

Elon's one smart move was sending that car into space. Even Voldemort didn't think to send his horcruxes into space.

TEAL is the new [internalized misogyny] PINK.

Everyone worried about the evil oligarchs taking over America needs to remember that they are also humanitarians! (Humanitarians, as in, they only eat humans).

Planning out my will, parsing out money is easy, but who deserves my collection of perfectly stretched hair ties?

Are you mad at me?

TBH I'm a little relieved they were still out there burning couches and making trouble a decade after the last championship win. All I hear lately is how "the kids are different now." 🙃

George Foreman loved his own name so much that he gave it to all his boys and grills.

Actually, now that Tiktok has hard launched its relationship with Trump, it's suddenly less attractive to me.

My best friend and child, tiktok, ripped from my clutching, swiping, fingers. 😭

Now I know how Morissey felt when he said "now I know how Jean of Arc felt."

At the movies, should I watch Babygirl or Wolfman? One is about doing it and the other is about doing it doggy style.