Happy Friday 13th to all who celebrate!
Very excited this year, me and the gang are going down to the lake. We found a cabin on AirBnB SO cheap, it's like something horrible happened there LOL!
It's going to be so much fun!
Women over 50 are among the most underused sources of resilience, intelligence, and practical capability in the labor market. f-st.co/VjP4uo3
A woman with long red hair is speaking in front of a medical clinic, with a caption reading “BRONWYN PAGE SAW THE MONKEY."
She sometimes did drugs
But she wasn't a junkie
She crawled down the street
Her gait slow and clunky
Her head pounded like
It was kicked by a donkey
Her eyes were on fire
Her stomach felt funky
And then she saw it
All grinning and spunky
It was surely not real but
Bitch better have my money
Bitch doesn’t see you in our invoice system
Bitch is wondering if you ever sent in a W-9?
#HappyBirthdayRihanna!
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/rih...
Coral background with faint heart illustrations. A glossy male Blackbird with a bright yellow bill faces left. Large title reads: “Birds as bad exes*” Smaller text reads: “*Yes, you read that right.”
Happy Valentine’s Day, from us to you. Tag your exes. Xoxox
I am 59 and have had 3+ jobs (one full-time salaried + 2 or more part-time) my entire adult life, even while raising children. I am so tired.
Friday the 13th is the best because terrible things are still happening but for 24 hours there's a neato spooky reason
Fukushima's radioactive hybrid terror pig boom was driven by amorous mothers
Roses are red
Some more than others
"About Edward: Looking for a younger woman who will mistake my brooding looks and condescending misanthropy for tragic torment, and ideally is into employer-employee roleplay."
When you’re out shopping for that special someone this Valentine’s Day, remember flowers wilt and chocolates get stale but rolling library ladders are forever
I’ve been working hard to train my Instagram to only show me baby monkeys and scone recipes.
A spray tan booth but for moisturizer
shirley temple pilots
Seven ways of telling someone to be quiet (and year of origin) from English slang:
1. Hold your clack (1594)
2. Shut your potato-trap (1785)
3. Shut your beak (1837)
4. Close your shell (1840)
5. Stow your yap (1885)
6. Shut your rag-box (1890)
7. Put your flute away (1902)
Dallas has two new ambassadors for young baking talent making delicious cakes and pastries.
Identical twins and 8th graders Norah and Olivia Tatum are participating in Baking Championship: Next Gen. You can watch Baking Championship: Next Gen on Food Network every Monday at 7 p.m. Central.
My parents did not raise me to be disrespectful, I had to practice
Something interesting you might not have realized: a number of words in English are NOUNS when you stress the FIRST syllable, but VERBS when you stress the SECOND syllable.
"Your CONduct is better when you conDUCT yourself appropriately.”
🧵⬇️
My 14-yo-son has recreated the climax of Back to the Future in gingerbread and I thought you should know.
A young Betty white in a rose pink and white striped top.
A paper angel ornament the same aesthetic and pose as Betty.
a betty white christmas: thread
"A new study has found that eating 50g or more of high-fat cheese a day correlates with a lower risk of developing dementia. That means all cheeses with more than 20 percent fat content, including brie, gouda, cheddar, parmesan, gruyere, and mozzarella." www.sciencealert.com/cheese-linke...
Ten archaic English slang phrases…
10. Got the morbs (sad)
9. Bumpsy (drunk)
8. Whittled as a penguin (very drunk)
8. Scandal water (tea)
7. Bitch the pot (pour the tea)
5. Sauce-box (mouth)
4. Cupid’s kettle drums (breasts)
3. Dash my wig (OMG)
2. Poked up (embarrassed)
1. Not up to dick (unwell)
i wanna be put in airplane mode
This is the color of spit.
William the Conquerer's oldest son was Robert Curthose, meaning "short trousers", which means…
WHOOOO LIVES IN A CASTLE IN THE 11TH CENTURY?
PRINCEBOB SHORTPANTS!
MEDIEVAL AND NORMAN AND ROYAL IS HE
PRINCEBOB SHORTPANTS!
Be sure to apply plenty of black hole sunscreen before lounging in your soundgarden.
"I am a man who will fight for your honour,
I'll be the hero, and so on and so forth"
- Peter Et Cetera.
Florence Pugh wearing an olive green dress with brown hair.
Pews of the same color.
florence pew: thread
Did you know if you hold a red lobster to your ear, it will tell you the cheddar bay biscuit recipe?
A List of Things Said to Have Been Ruined by Women
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