I do actually blame 5G a lot for my health issues. Mainly because that was the form I was in at school when I discovered alcohol.

Just seen a Twitter screen grab of someone referring to Andrew Tate's 'desert trek' into Dubai as 'Lawrence of dry labia'

The Simon And Garfunkel 'Sounds Of Silence ' album cover except they're being chased by a Cylon from Battlestar Galactica.

Simon And Garfunkel next. #totp

PSA: How to pleasure a woman

So when seagulls eat it it’s food but when I eat it it’s garbage? How is that fair?!

“Millions of years old and they look as if they were laid yesterday!”

“Millions of years old and they look as if they were laid yesterday!”

wargen @funeralpig.bsky.social waiter (taking empty plate): boy you must have hated it huh? me: yeah i dumped it on the floor under the table (waiter looks under the table and all my shit is completely out) 6:27 PM • Nov 27, 2024

Dr Charlotta Lofqvist, S.J. @jon_snow 420 google please stop showing me sex ads. i know there are desperate sluts in my area, i have a mirror 11:23 PM • Jul 6, 2019

konnaire @konnaire.bsky.social Everybody thinks 'https://' stands for 'hypertext transfer protocol secure' but it actually stands for 'head to this place, sucka' followed by a colon and two laser sounds 4:17 PM • Jan 13, 2026

git pusha t @beeep.computer Radiohead would be 5x better if they had more songs about securing a powerful amulet instead of about how their girlfriend is mad at them for drinking out of the hose August 17, 2025 at 8:26 PM

more mr. nice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social they should invent a machine that doesn't just become another fuckin thing i gotta deal with 11:41 PM • Aug 18, 2023

Rori 🦇 @sweetrori.bsky.social Me at 20: I'll have it all figured out by the time I'm 40. Me at 40: wtf do you mean they rearranged the grocery store 12:00 AM • Feb 13, 2026

The Bare Handyman @thebarehandyman.bsky.social Every Star Trek episode: "What is that?" "I don't know." "Let's get too close." November 9, 2024 at 1:35 AM

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social Don Draper: All life is based on rotation. The orbit of an electron. Planet Earth turning on its axis. Two lovers dancing in a waltz. A fetus drifting around a womb. We aren't just selling a spinning product. The story of Beyblade Burst Turbo is the story of humanity November 9, 2024 at 3:49 PM

I know you’re going to think this is strange, but what planet is this?

The piss tank on the ISS is now 8% full.

It is David Niven's birthday. Here he is in trunks and deerstalker diving side on into a swimming pool grinning, holding a bow and arrow. King shit.

remains the greatest celebrity photo ever taken

Amazing find on Antiques Roadshow - Hexham 1991

Cartoon strip labelled “Dubai.” A man in a vest stands in front of a skyline window. Speech bubbles read: “Extraordinary images here.” “Of an expat in Dubai.” “Having their first ever geopolitical thought.” Final panel cuts to a news studio: “To explain the significance of this moment we’re joined by David Jones, our Expat Thoughts correspondent.”

Presenter: “John, this is momentous. It was caught on film at the end of an Instagram post titled: ‘Dubai Is Brilliant.’” On screen, the expat appears still in front of a Dubai skyline. Co-presenter: “You can clearly see in the eyebrows here, the dawning realisation that there might be something in the world beyond his dickhead self.” Presenter: “It marks a huge departure from all the Dubai Expat’s previous thoughts.” Co-presenter: “Which are…?” Cut to the expat’s typical commentary: “You’ve got to get yourself out here mate, everything is so clean, I don’t have to pay taxes, I am incurious as to why I don’t have to pay taxes, and spa.” Back to studio: “And might there be more new thoughts to come?” “I think we can expect to see:” Final speech bubble from the expat: “I deserve to be airlifted by a country I pay no tax to.” Co-presenter: “Mm.”

🙂

A pile of mannequin arms.

Police Raid Home of Suspected Arms Dealer

who made this

[at a spider wedding]

congratulations to the newlywebs

I am begging Americans to stop trying to refer to football teams with singular verbs

I'm hearing they've given the Ayatollahship to Sam Allardyce til the end of the season

You: Oh my god the house is on fire!

Me (wise, has read books): And you're surprised? Houses have been on fire before [as the flames consume us both] Furthermore,

Imagine two cows having sex. Now imagine them wearing tiny hats. What's wrong with you?

My sense of timing is horrific and I’m forced to conclude that it just isn’t the right moment for my new men’s fashion accessories collection using the ‘Epstein Ties’ branding.

My niece thinks she is a witch. I'm trying everything I can possibly do to convince her that she's not, but it's tremendously difficult to do so when you've been turned into a newt.