goated bite enjoyer

escaped ditto test subject...........................

Everything I do reminds me of you.

✦ #pokopia ✦

An anthropomorphic cat cooking vegetables on a stove. She is saying “Being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. But then there are also the horrors…”

and it had a NORMAL AMOUNT OF MAYO

this is a JOKE the sandwich was DELICIOUS

ough. sandwich was a bit spicy. gotta put a little less mayo on it next time

Beato shrinked

"I ordered one noodle but I got an entire pack"

If I lead it with "you know about clown eggs, right?" then gemini either knows or is able to look it up at least. I'm not sure how to avoid a mister ed situation with the ai though

new type of shrinkflation discovered where stop & shop just chooses two or three random items not to deliver

guy at the catheter store: yeah I'll take a number one, two number two's, uhh, let's see, a number four and, what do you think, a number six? yeah probably.. you only live once right? haha

screenshot of the taco bell app order screen for the “Pineapple Lime Rockstar Energy Refesca” showing a pale yellow liquid in a to-go cup with a large label that says “200mg CAFFEINE” it is $4.49 for a medium and is 50 calories

can’t believe none of y’all told me that taco bell picked up the Murder Beverage mantle

A WORTHY RIVAL TO THE PANERA LEMONADE THAT KILLS YOU INSTANTLY

not many people in the fandom know this but actually, mary from the bible was sentenced to death for getting an abortion and her involvement in illegal immigration

my goal was "appear to be a thoughtful thread on christianity's influence then end with a gut punch that reveals the entire "principled" discussion to have been a ruse to deliver the most horrendous punchline possible"

how did I do

you can tell approximately when the weed kicked in and it was NOT while I was writing this thread

what I'm saying is that deep in their heart, they're christians, and that should be even more shameful than being minors. lol 4/4

some people just get hung up on the torture. "What if I could torture *other* people into *me* being a good person". that's how you get puriteen queers trying to harass people off the internet for drawing sisters kissing. 3/4

when atheists leave christianity, it can be easy to go "well everything they said is wrong, obviously" and follow that to the conclusion of "maybe you CAN torture someone into being a good person" 2/4

when god tortures you, he doesn't stop once you become a good person. he keeps going. this is kind of a core tenet of christian theology: you cannot torture someone into being a good person 1/4

BECOME MUTUALS With: • Lesbians • People on 5 different stimulants • People obsessed with a band/artist • people w personality disorders • junkies • Canadians • fujoshis Your contacts are the real "money". Network your way to success.

TMI Tuesday! fill up the comments while I fill up something else 🤭

arguing with someone on discord and the pluralkit comes out like it's a tag fighter

it's like this with all of my medications, we finally found the lowest dose that fixes the specific symptom that the medication is supposed to treat. (except one which I'm working on)

I'm on the perfect dose of hormones where my dick leaves me the fuck alone but nothing else happens

I tried to figure out what I got sniped by that caused the panic attack but then I got sniped by Facebook and just started scrolling my feed lmao I'm so cooked

I thought it was just car horn noises but I heard from a review that it's actually wii-u menu music

anyone want to listen to 2003 Toyota Corolla with me

I think it's a little bit on the nose for my panic attack daydreams to end with me crying to god saying "God please no I don't want to die"

Throwback to 2015 when I bought my brother one of those ikea sharks and had to bring it home on my motorcycle