Jude Atwood

When *you* house sit for people, you make the bed.

When *I* house sit, I turn off motion smoothing on their TV.

We are not the same.

Oh, George RR Martin hasn’t finished one book? Big deal, I haven’t finished dozens.

i'm pretty sure this isn't what it looked like guys

A grid of four images. Clockwise from top left: Spongebob Squarepants with bulging abs; Someone focusing light through eyeglasses to burn leaves; Billie Eilish writing; an illustration of Achilles with an arrow in his heel.

No-context #Survivor, season 50 premiere

If you're working from home and you feel a pang of nostalgia for the office, microwave some day-old fish!

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

If you don't throw all your money into this industrial shredder right now you're gonna miss out.

Half the people who listen to true crime podcasts are thoroughly convinced they would make much better murderers than these other fools.

Been saying "uh oh" a worrying amount lately

When I go through difficult times, I am aways reminded of the last words of my great aunt: “Aaaah! A crucifix!”

I’ve seen many posts on social media criticizing the Super Bowl halftime show because it wasn’t sung in English, and I’m like, what do these people do when they’re at the opera?

Oh, we don't go to that Coinstar. That's the haunted one

a good alternative to meditation is screaming

In 1996, I read an article in Might Magazine titled “The Sudden and Inexplicable Ubiquity of Caesar Salad.” It was about how Caesar Salad was literally everywhere—at every restaurant chain, even Denny’s and McDonald’s, in Caesar-flavored chips, etc.

Anyway, have some Dubai chocolate.

A screen cap of movie box office results. In first place Send Help with $19.1 million. In second place, Iron Lung with $17.8 million. And in third place, Melania with $7.16 million.

When is the last time three different horror movies took the top three spots at the U.S. box office?

Normalize making verbs out of adjectives by adding a suffix.

A tweet from an account called Quite Interesting. that reads, “NASA research shows that a successful mission to Mars would require a class clown to resolve tensions, boost morale, and united teams. E.g., Scott’s Antarctic exploration team didn’t have a joker and broke into clicks, but Amundsen’s crew did, which helped with group cohesion.”

You must seek out the great astronaut Pagliacci

Dogs Build Their Vocabularies Like Toddlers Eavesdropping on their owners seems to help some toy-crazy and talented pups learn more words.

Scientists have found some dogs have an advanced word-learning ability, a skill that puts them functionally on par with 18-month-old children: They can learn the names of new toys not only through direct instruction but also by eavesdropping on the conversations of their owners.

Student: I spent most of the break on the East Coast. I was working in Dallas, Texas.

Me: Dallas isn't really...part of the East Coast.

Student: I mean, like, the Midwest.

A photo that appears to have a "gettyimages" watermark but the watermark is actually painted directly on the bridge.

This watermark graffiti by street artist Mathieu Tremblin is, like, the best thing ever.

The menu says the salad comes with “pork floss,”
and all I can think is that my dentist has been holding out on me

Teaching my dog karate was a terrible mistake

My new full-time job is texting “stop” to candidates and political action committees.

Pro tip: When you're having pizza delivered, order a salad as well.

The act of throwing it away when you find it in the fridge next week will burn calories!

kid's drawing of a truck

thank you for helping my friends come to school

A buddy in MN shared a drawing a classmate of his kid made. They've been making thank you notes for parents who have volunteered to carpool them to school so their own parents don't have to risk waiting out by the bus stop.

It was the omg what now of times, it was the omg what NOW of times

A banner from a church website featuring an illustration of baby Jesus, held by a bearded man in front of Mary, and the text “feast of Circumcision Divine Liturgy 1-14-2026.”

happy feast of circumcision to all who celebrate

The City Council has yet to approve an ordinance that would lift zoning restrictions for vampire extermination businesses, but they're having conversations with stakeholders.

“Wanna play this board game?"

NORMAL PERSON: Sure! How do you win?

BOARD GAMER: Who’s the designer? Who published it? What are the mechanics? What's the weighting? What's the theme? [35 minutes into the game] What are the victory conditions?

This charming property offers the perfect blend of comfort and convenience, which is exactly why it’s going to be purchased by the world’s largest asset manager. Good luck! Maybe they’ll rent it to you. Reference #68370

Real Estate: You’re Bidding Against Blackstone