crappystuffforjerks

Sometimes self care is going home after a 9 hour bartending shift and housing an entire box of Lucky Charms.

Bartending tonight I’d had enough of this group of dudes and I finally cut in with “a circle is, by definition, perfect. An imperfect circle is some version of an oval.”
I was met- ABSOLUTELY FAIRLY- with blank stares. Pedantry isn’t a great quality in a bartender.

Roberts: Let’s bring in the Secretary of Energy, Chris Wright. He joins us now.

I miss finding old old old tweets that were hilarious, but forgotten.

The way loneliness is amplified when you scream into the void, hoping for a reply…

Y’all ever get so angry your heart rate drops?

This is a real question.
I had to do some research because I thought I was losing it.

Autocorrect tried to change “articulate” to “artichoke,” and honestly at this point yeah. Who gives a shit.

And maybe it’s pertinent to note that I’m a bartender, but it shouldn’t be.

If you have a problem with someone, or you think they have a problem with you?

Use. Your. Words.

Some new person at work doesn’t understand why we don’t get along.

I know this because five different people have told me as much.

You know who DOES know?

Me. The one person you haven’t spoken to.

This bartender would like to report that she had no idea so many people were bobsledding experts.

Hahahahaha.

Dudes really be out here remembering the lineup from a defunct NFL team but cannot for the LIFE of them remember their children’s birthdays.

This is the job of the eldest daughter.

Me, being insufferable. But seriously who goes to see Big Bad Voodoo Daddy in the year of our lord 2026?

I’m the bully in the family group chat.

I mean… are you SURE?

Unfortunate dating app interaction in which a man is annoyed because I don’t rely for a day.

More of the same.

Yeah tinder is great.

I was SO MAD when the Knicks traded him… I wanted him and Brunson to be healthy at the same time for more than a few weeks.

I am TICKLED by this.

the bushes were people 😂

Google servers overloaded from angry queries like “Puerto Rico part of America true”

The bad guys lost.

Lmao that touchdown was ridiculous.

Me yelling no in one post then yes in another, 34 seconds apart.

I’m going through it.

FUCK YES

NOOOOOOOOOOO

That’s some of the clunkiest writing I’ve read in some time…

The pee one really got to me. I hated it so much.

GODDAMNIT

Me (watching Olympic figure skating): Holy shit, that was amazing
NBC Commentator: That’s terrible, he should go to jail for that

If they get shut out I will be over the moon.