Steven W Skinner

I’m worried my phone isn’t listening to me anymore

“I think we’re going to play ‘broken telephone’ today”

“That’s not what I heard”

Curling is mostly trying to get your opponents rocks off

I forgot Valentine’s Day and I don’t have the heart to tell her

This chef at the brunch buffet is giving me the crêpes

[to the tune of 'Paperback Writer']
🎶 Superbowl Sunday

My chess teacher refuses to be paid by check

Groundhog Day is an “emerge ‘n see”

For me, it’s either an ‘everything shower’ or a ‘nothing shower’ there is no in between

Snow angels aren’t as fun once you realize each marks a snowman’s grave

Tattoine = lukewarm
Hoth = Luke cold

Time Magazine tweet that says Aquaman defeats Mary Poppins

It was a hell of a battle though

When I first found out about static electricity it came as a shock

I got DoorDash from the all you can eat buffet and just kept sending the driver back for more

Things were so good in the 80’s Tina Turner sang about the glut of heroes

Will we be celebrating New Year’s Eve? I’m counting on it

'Kung-Fu Fighting' is a Christmas song- it begins “oh, ho ho ho!”

*Santa rushing home to take his infamous post-Christmas piss*

Frosty the snowman’s acceptance of his own mortality is a nice touch in this Christmas classic ☃️

*Mrs. Claus constantly refreshing the 'Santa Tracker'*

“Maya Rudolph!” - Santa Claus (Italian)

Writing a ‘Gremlins’ movie where the protagonist follows the rules and just has a fun time playing with a cute as hell Mogwai

Charging Santa a small ‘cookie and milk’ fee this year

Wife: I might do some wrapping
Me: Do you need me to lay down a sick beat?
Wife:*filling out divorce papers*

Turkey for Thanksgiving is a great start- anything on top of that is gravy

Naming my child ‘Terms & Conditions’ so they will be accepted without question

The double negative in the lyric 'I ain't afraid of no ghosts' is problematic and here's why

Halloween is a dead give-away

Give me a treat boys and fill my bowl I wanna dress up as a spooky ghoul for milky ways

The Romans column as they 'seum