@starfleetitensign
One Overworked Ensign and a crew of Emergency Holograms, desperately working to keep the Fleet from getting hacked. Again. We also respond to IT problems with Starfleet Tech that has slipped into other universes.
Okay. Who had the bright idea of turning the First Generation of Emergency Medical Holograms into miners when they were decommissioned?
The Emergency IT Holograms are now attempting to violate the Temporal Prime Directive, and rescue their kin.
According to the posters that the Emergency IT Holograms have hung over my Coffee Machine: More than you'd think, and less than you're hoping.
My confidence is born not of delusion, but by having access to Time Travel for the sole purpose of being able to service tickets in a timely manner.
It will be fixed when it is done... and it will be done precisely on time.
Is this why I'm dealing with another File Recovery request?
I should have taken your advice.
I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN YOUR ADVICE.
I SHOULD NOT HAVE LOOKED UP THE DOCUMENTATION ON THAT FEATURE.
Anyway, I'm going to Medical Bay to have those memories surgically removed.
Have you tried beaming him into a Holosuite?
Sorry, I fixed that last week. Now the Destruct Codes are random for every ship, and cycle whenever a new Captain or XO takes the position.
Although I pass through the shadow of a Living Virus, I am not afraid... for I have alcohol enough to forget when the time comes.
Drop to the Mild, Helmet.
Also, keep a glass of milk on hand. The hot stuff is part of everything from Qo'nos.
Yes, that includes the Klingons.
Ah. Too much pain to talk.
Computer, suspend program. IT Override September Gala Uno.
Still hanging around, Chief?
I've been wanting more non-Holographic coworkers for awhile.
I didn't want a Transporter Clone.
I have a Transporter Clone.
Now the Emergency IT Holograms want to talk philosophy regarding which of us is the original, and the fine details of Identity Metaphysics.
It's just the countdown to the Blovatian New Year.
I didn't realize that Spaceballs hired the Bloviatans. They're notorious for not beating up the dirt around shrubs.
Uh... Helmet... not to alarm you... but that Gel is highly explosive when it interacts with the byproducts of human kidneys breaking down the tannins from Coffee.
PLEASE tell me you don't have any Klingon Coffee in you.
Don't worry, i think that's my ex wife from before the latest timeline reset.
She's mostly harmless.
However, if she has a purple splotch on her left mandible... run for your life. That's my former mother-in-law, who tried to eat my head at the wedding.
Holosuite or joining Worf on an away mission?
The former I can help with. The latter... I can still help with. Temporal Affairs has your survival on the list of necessary events to preserve against all threats, so I could turn up with a Bat'Leth and cut you free.
No, the Lasso is to help us wrangle the Tribbles that are loose in the tubes.
(Someone please call in the Klingons. Their growth rate is only accelerating.)
Because @annoyedobrien.bsky.social added a Clothing Swap setting on the Transporters while coming down from the last time he worked a 72 hour shift.
Vulcans who have undergone full conditioning never tell direct falsehoods. However, most haven't completed through Kolinahr.
They are, however, all masters of misdirection and the half truth.
Sometimes it's easier than that.
Sometimes you just need to fix the environment that has the whole room extra irritable.
You should see what happens when he doesn't have a carer following him around.
Some days, everything goes wrong... and I start wishing I could get Captain Sisko to come punch Q for me.
The Enterprise Computers are literally possessed, today.
At least it wasn't Quark, Dukat's Booby Traps, or Cardassian High Command's booby traps... this time.
Actually, the Doctor popped in once.
The Cybermen and the Borg fused... and we had a jolly time of getting that fixed.
Temporal Affairs is still short on Romulan Ale, after the amount of Mind Wipes we had going around from cleaning that up.
There was a TRIBBLE on DS9... and we just had the Promenade get flooded with food. That means there are probably an exponentially increasing number of Tribbles on the station.
Permission to request aid from our Klingon allies, sir?
Traced the error, Chief.
A Tribble got between two Isolinear Chips and shorted them out. We lost the Replicator Control Program... so the next thing ordered propagated across the Promenade and got into an infinite loop.
Chips are replaced and system reset. Should be good... but... 🧵
What is this? A crossover episode?
...
Oh damn it, I'm here too.
If anyone sees Jack O'Neil, let me know. I'm pulling the Spore Drive out of mothballs and burning hydrogen for a new universe if he and his damn Replicators turn up again.
At least the Romulans are passionate when they do it.
They keep secrets for all time... but they have PASSION.
Helmet... the bees suffocated on Deck 3 of Spaceballs-1 when you had the oxygen supply redirected to help cool the coffee maker.
Google can't help you, but Temporal Affairs can... and IT got put under them after the Binar Incident that hasn't happened anymore.
Long story short: Time Travel Bullshit.
Short story long: Q can bypass our Temporal Shielding and his last dance with your captain had extended consequences.
