Danktapus

WHAT IN THE LESBIAN

I'll be here for you if you need someone too! I really hope you weren't going through any of it alone, but I'll be here for you if you need someone.

The worst part of it was I am sure it was racially fueled. She told me about her half sister being very mean to her and her comparing herself to her half sister, and her half sister was half Thai. She was probably projecting that all on to me because I am a pretty asian woman.

TBH bridges were burned the moment that he said "so that's it then" like I was just running away like a fucking coward. I deserve to be happy, I deserve not to be used for someone's sick and twisted game for them to have sexual gratification. I'm worth more than what she made me feel like.

I got the love bombing, I got all the lies she told, all the truths, and it's not right to be quiet over bad people doing bad things tbh. I HOPE that he can find happiness, I wanted to be there for it, I did. He's going to be so angry for my speaking out, but oh well, he chose block me over my ex.

despite it all, I am not broken I am in a better place, and i'm not the monster people make me to be in their heads. I was in a tragedy, a senseless play that served only for someone else to gain and to hurt everyone else involved. If you believe her, just do, but know I have all the receipts.

Why am I the bad guy for being used and for not knowing what to do, for my abuser staying in contact with me? She started telling people I'm stalking her, I abuse my friends, she started telling people I abused him and took advantage of him, NONE OF THAT IS TRUE. I want everyone to know -

have a tumor and now my doctor says it could be cancerous once again. I was used by this girl in a fake polycule so she can have what she wants, and he blocked me over his jealousy of my ex talking to me and reaching out to me, as if he didn't return to his ex? they broke up for a day?

Then I opened up a little about it. I started talking to my therapist, to friends. I hoped. I wondered. I realized: She manipulated me. She used me to get a free pass to have e-sex with him. She used me, they threw me away. I became furious. I became so much more angry. All this, and while I still-

I finally called my therapist office and said It was time to go again. I had some good friends there for me, I coped in all the bad ways, anything to fight off urges to do things to myself out of spite. Meanwhile, it wasn't really improving with my ex being there and putting me down for nothing.

Said he was sorry, said I was right about some things. Said he wanted to talk. I didn't know what to do. I waited, I listened to his abuse, knowing again, I was the only one there for him. I waited, I waited, I got more hurt, more sad, I spiraled again and again, every night I couldn't stop-

I had things to do, but I will come back, I swore and I promised. I cried every 5 minutes, I was a wreck over everyone. My ex, him, her, anger, pain, sorrow, every emotion all at once. I waited by the phone for any indication I wasn't being left alone again.
Then my ex called.

every day, I think about those words. After 3 days of the back and forth, the split, the spiral, my own insanity on being abandoned and then being used, then being pushed aside, I waited, I tried to be there for him. It was clear I couldn't be. I said I can't live like this, needed time -

I just wanted him to be happy, I wanted her to be happy. I felt like I was in the way, and she made it clear I was in the way of her perfect fantasy of having two men want her. "I want him to want me like how he wants you, but I don't want him like how he wants you." I think about those words -

He split every day, It weighed on me, I felt like I messed up every day, right back there with my ex, dancing on eggshells, say the right things, do the right things, comfort everyone, push for healthy boundaries, preform, cry and hold it in. Know I was being pushed aside again, but -

He spiraled, she said he was using me, she said some terrible things to him, said I was overloading her with my fears about he and I. Basically, she became possessive and jealous. He and I both wondered why, when she had a fiancée and we both didn't have a partner. We weren't dating. She spiraled -

I burned for him, I realized I was missing something and it felt like I found it. Maybe I am the bad person, maybe it was all my fault, maybe I was so selfish. We had some private things between he and I that felt natural, felt right. Felt like I wasn't alone anymore for once. She snapped. (10/?)

Her partner popped the question the next day, she bragged about having a fiancée. Told me she was planning on being openly sexual with my then friend. I was confused as to why she was telling people he and I were dating, why she was playing this like she's winning. I was excited to try with him tho-

Spoke to him, he admitted he loved me, admitted he wanted to be with me, but knew he wasn't ready. I agreed I wasn't ready. Both said we can wait and see. Agreed to start a talking phase. She told her partner the next day and laid out she wanted to be poly. What a massive lie that was. (9/?)

said she asked her partner every day for a month straight, they said no every time, a month and a week. Said it made her upset because she wanted to be open about her and him, said she wanted to be sexual with him and not cheat. Said that I would be helping them all. I didn't know if I could. (8/?)

She asked me to talk to him about the idea of being in a polycule with them. Told me she knows how he's in love with me, that he thinks of me often, talks about me often, and laid out this idea that he and I would be in a relationship and her and her partner would join us (7/?)

said I can really lean on him. I was grateful. We started hanging out more because of my fragile state, maybe he was too. Then she told me privately, her ire for his past partners, her paranoia over other friends. Her selfish desire to get a hall pass from her then partner so she can be with him.

Telling me I had to free myself, there's better, I don't deserve all of what they were doing to me. I sought comfort in many ways, but I was drowning in this depression, under the weight of loss, and the fear of cancer. Thinking every day "this is it". This friend was steadfast and firm (6/?)

My ex was leaving for a work project with the company I was tied to. Passive aggressive remarks, phrases and hurtful things being thrown. My begging and pleasing falling on deaf ears with affirmations I am being left behind. This friend stood by me in all of it. Telling me I had to move on (5/?)

I was happy this friend was there for me while I licked my wounds and battled suicide often. on a particular bad day, I remember being in a narcotic induced haze with my ex standing over me telling me how dumb I am and how they hated me for being so pathetic and why they are leaving. Then (4/??)

I knew and understood this friend and I both deeply cared for each other, the depths of which we both didn't really know. For a few months I was in a really bad way, hysterical about this old abandonment wound being triggered and this ex telling me some genuinely terrible things, (3/?)

where my ex roommate, who is my ex fiancée, was leaving me to deal with the illness on my own in pursuit of money and career opportunity. I felt the massive weight of abandonment on my shoulders, the terrifying realization that I spent 10 years being there for someone who wouldn't have for me (2/?)

I've been uncharacteristically quiet about a situation I was in during September and I am tired of being quiet about it. I was diagnosed with a tumor in July, I was not mentally well, fearing the worst every other day. I confided in a really good friend who I deeply cared for over a situation (1/?)

I should probably come out with how manipulative that girl in October was, because I don't like keeping quiet about abusers.

I would personally close the window gap in the waist with mesh for it, but I'll do it when I finish the main costume for fanime this year lol