meatypunk

Height:
Weight:
I got a new compleint.

Video games are rated M for mature if they contain scenes of someone buying reading glasses or complaining about not getting enough fiber

knuckle tats:

(O)(M)(G)(I) (M)(S)(R)(Y)

berenstein berenstain it doesn't really matter how you spell it as long as you understand they are godless killing machines

Cocaine so white it bleaches its butthole.

Remember that episode of True Life where the dude was obsessed with his skinny calves and so he got calf implants and they followed him to a night out where he was showing off his calves and they were either confused or NOT interested

Cocaine so white it’s the head of the HOA

take it away, horn section!
*various toots and bloops*

yeah! now, take it away, horny section!
*moans, gasps, screams of pleasure*

cocaine so white, it takes a bite of raw flour and says “just the right amount of spice”

cocaine so white it unironically says “just gonna squeeze right past ya”

spirit in motion: ghost

spirit at rest: stopst

well i may as well watch youtube, i can’t think of any subpar free-to-play games i don’t even have a code to get extra shit

We Used CRISPR To Create A Real Life Mr Bean. You Won’t Believe How Fast He Died Of Sepsis.

slap fight but it’s just me and opponent taking bites out of a pork chop

Anyway I’m growing celery now. That’s a thing I do, grow celery. Now I can say things like, but did you see my celery?

*looking through glory hole*

are you mad at me?

(a rap artist getting a huge break to be featured on a famous and respected musician’s hit album) yeah my dick is big and so is my money

Thin Lizzy is short for Underweight Elizabeth. Their hit, The Male Youngsters Have Returned to the Municipality, had to be shortened too

Drive it around until you have to disclose the relationship to HR, that is the heart of valet parking

[reading a guy’s palm and telling his future but he isn’t very interesting] you’ll start liking salsa again

*spits in bible as a bookmark*

Watching the sun setting reminds me of the eventual demise of mankind. Be it nuclear war, A.I. when it happens I hope it looks this beautiful and feels this natural.

As a whole we are a fluke in the way of nature's natural order.

But even still, as individuals, we can still be beautiful ❤️

American Scientists: ok so we agree- to be different and special, we’ll measure things in feet instead of meters.

The One Scientist Who Thinks A Little Too Highly Of Horses: EXCEPT HORSES MEASURE THEM IN HANDS

Best Buy date 01/30/2027

I guess I bought this rice prematurely

Reading a bedtime story to a piece of cheese before I eat it

Imagine if Sloths knew Tai Chi

Photo of a sign reading " our blow job robots no longer murder"

I'm sorry but at this point we really need employees who can multitask

CEO: We need to come up with a brand name for these sticks of bread.

Guy who named the meatball: *takes deep breath