As someone from the outside looking in on MTG, I feel like all the A-tier cards are named "Brunsessixa, the Eternally Damned Serpent of the Tundra" with ten paragraphs of flavor text, and all the S-tier cards are named "Emerge" and say like, "When your opponent defends, gain one blue land token"
In middle school we used to throw rocks out of our bus window and one time the bus driver pulled over and demanded to know who threw a rock. The kid who did it stood up but one by one we all stood up like Spartacus and the bus driver just gave up and took us home, as she was legally required to do.
If you can believe it, I've actually simplified this story to make it more believable. In reality a guy whose windshield somebody hit pulled in front of us and signaled for us to pull over and the bus driver insanely agreed to let him on the bus to yell at us. The Spartacus part was the same, though
calvin: HEY DAD, I'M DOING A TRAFFIC SAFETY POSTER. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR A SLOGAN? calvinβs dad: SURE! "CYCLISTS HAVE A RIGHT TO THE ROAD TOO, YOU NOISY, POLLUTING, INCONSIDERATE MANIACS! I HOPE GAS GOES UP TO EIGHT BUCKS A GALLON!" calvin: THANKS, DAD. I'LL GO ASK MOM. calvinβs dad: WHY ? THAT'S A GREAT SLOGAN!
every day heβs vindicated
Hopefully in the future, more animals will kangarooize. I want to see a muscular man with a ferret's head and knives for hands and a tail like a Ponderosa pine
usually if you ask experts why an empire fell theyβll say itβs nuanced and multifaceted, so i think itβs kind of cool that with America future historians will get to just say like βoh they took the idiot train to moronsvilleβ
Rod Serling is probably the coolest guy of the 20th century. Looked cool, sounded cool, fought Nazis, hated John Wayne, wrote the screenplay for Planet of the Apes. Honestly dunks all the hell over any male influencer guy.
I think 'Memba This? is my favorite recurring bit from Conan because you can tell that every time, the writers were like, "Fuck, we're five minutes short... I got nothing. Let's just do 'Memba This? again" and it kicked ass every time
AND WEVE KNOWN THIS FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS! THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN SATIRE OF THE TRADES IS ABOUT HOW ALL JOBS BESIDES SCRIBE SUCK ASS
ohhh you play a purple bisexual tiefling bard who sexually harra-- i mean flirts with everyone??? wowww that is so cooool
31 years ago today, Krusty the Clown first mentioned saying βthe quiet part loud,β an expression which has since gone on to widespread usage.
#TheSimpsons episode βA Star is Burnsβ first aired March 5, 1995.
A Midsummer Night's Dream, but The Tempest is a runner up for SURE
Sen. Markwayne Mullin has died of taking a standardized third grade reading level test. He is expected to be replaced at the Department of Homeland Security by two stray dogs humping.
don't be surprised if some of your favorite baseball stars wind up playing major league baseball this season. i guarantee you that this very minute, big-league teams are beating feet all across the country β and beyond β as they look to fill their rosters with the very best ballplayers they can get
2026 nuclear family memeβ featuring Fritzi as Neurodivergent Aunt, Sluggo as Sluggo, Nancy as Daughter, Nancy Jr as Woke Dog
Nancy 3/4/26 π
A black and white cat with yellow eyes, mouth open and one paw raised toward the camera
Dodge this! :3
"The CIA conspired to make me less cool than I was when I was 25" is the most succinct Gen X manifesto I've ever heard
On the nature of darkness:
like 1) no one is ever forcing masculine women / feminine men to get on HRT itβs only given to people who specifically say βI am transgenderβ
2) thinking of that tweet where a trans woman responded to ppl saying βwhy donβt you just live as an effeminate boy?β With βI did. You were mean to meβ
[guy who doesn't quite get how this kind of joke is supposed to work] Call me a linear map from a complete finitely generated space into a real normed vector space the way I'm always continuous in the pussy!
You could do incredible things for North American society by de-accrediting all Bible colleges
NANCY BY ERNIE BUSHMILLER P1-NANCY IS IN THE KITCHEN, LOOKING AT A BOX OF CRACKERS, FRITZI IS SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM READING A BOOK NANCY: AUNT FRITZI -- MAY I HAVE A CRACKER ? P2- FRITZI REPLIES TO NANCY: NO- - - IT WILL SPOIL YOUR DINER P3- NANCY : CAN I HAVE THE CRUMBS IN THE BOX? FRITZI: ΠΎΠΠΠ£- - JUST THE CRUMBS P4- NANCY HAS A MALLET, AND SHE LOOKS HUNGRILY AS SHE MASHES THE BOX OF CRACKERS
Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller
March 03,1949
Primitive manβs ability to reason
Primitive manβs ability to reason
if i'm walking around and i find $5 on the ground i tag it in google maps as a location where it is possible to find $5
PREMIERING MARCH 17, the next great Rude Tale:
BLUE KINDNESS HIGH
Join us for Session Zero tomorrow on the main feed as GM Tim Platt and Ali, Bran, and Joe reveal the identities of these mysterious silhouettesβ¦
