Eli

I’m soooo stringer kin (2.4 seasons of The Wire)

Cutting my apple cider with rat poison (I’ve watched 1.6 seasons of The Wire)

Progressive can’t stop you from becoming a resist lib

It’s a #frozencorn thing, you wouldn’t get it

*guy whose only been reading Don DeLillo for four months* this is so Don DeLillo

cutting out the fidget spinner middle man by going absolutely nuts on a ball bearing

One of your stupid interns gave us his beer after leaving in the bottom of the sixth. Criticism revoked, but you’re not hiring people with a true love of the game

@unitedairhelp.bsky.social your stupid chicago interns don’t know how to sit during a baseball game. How can they be expected to keep planes airborne?

How I miss the regular joe section of the DNC. it was like my favorite holiday (cooperate pride) but democrat themed. Sorry, just gazing wistfully at McCormick Place. I have a shiny kamala trading card.

I did not consent to this substack

piloting my American re-education program (listening to 3.5 hours of Pete Seeger a day)

rip John Lennon you would’ve loved writing “War is a Bruh Moment”

watching the mlb app at a boystown bar’s Drag Race viewing party

going Pete Seeger mode on the back porch tn

Is Lorne Michaels on bluesky? John Lutz would play an incredible Brad Lander. Please Lorne I’m on to something huge

I’m Donald Fagen kin

My humors are batting 0/4

Cool how the internet just blows now

Why’d I spend my day making spreadsheet on one of only two days a week when I do not need to be making spreadsheet

Okay, it’s on Vimeo. Whatever.

why can’t I watch the Rabbit of Seville on YouTube? An ecosystem of suffering is born each day

liquid iv preys on the illness battered consumer. What the hell is an electrolyte? Better have the most

Need it

you can kinda replicate the high of Old Twitter by being the only one to use a group chat

he is watching Modern Marvels

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You can get the weed bag

is the answer to severance just that they’re bene gesseritting Adam Scott’s seed to prune the human brain of tomorrow

breakfast ravioli #eliwin

hater gf doesn’t want me to coin the portmanteau “chibing” (chilling vibing)