S🌟tella

I bet you didn’t know your favorite toy as a kid says a lot about who you are today

not to brag but I can tie a cherry stem using only my cherry stem tying machine

maybe tomorrow i’ll have that banger i can get rich off selling merch

sigh detector test determined that was a sigh

(puts on 6 hour playlist entitled “scottish bagpiping greatest hits”)

road trip, bitches!!!!

My superpower is noticing a typo ten minutes too late.

"PUT THE FUCKING CASH IN THE FUCKING BAG OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF!"

And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.

A toy replica of me with my dad bod.
An inaction figure, if you will.

This day in history. 1921. Sunbury PA police chief Donnie Smith issued an edict requiring women and girls to wear skirts at least four inches below the knees. Told he couldn't issue edicts and questioned about his interest in girls' skirts he launched a speakeasy raid on neighbouring Snydertown.

Don't forget to run the dishwasher or else you'll be forced to face the spoons you betrayed by letting the garbage disposal rough them up.

Culdezac, the French author, was known for his gritty tales of suburban dad life. His novel, "The Lawnmower of the Valley" is a must read.

Drawing of human shaped figure throwing a smaller figure over a fence. There are 2 French sentences asking parents not to toss kids over the fence. In English it says: French primary school: Parents, stop throwing children over the gate. Parents were literally throwing their children over the lockd 6-foot-high gate. A primary school in Avignon, France, has has to issue warnings to parents to stop throwing their children over a six-foot fence to avoid being late.

French parent: *Yeets kid over the fence* Garde Louis!

Après moi, le déluge, I murmur as another acquaintance who is fond of the word pretentious tells me to leave social media.

Mozart was composing masterpieces aged 5, Picasso finished his first oil painting at 8, and Joan of Arc lead the French to victory at Orléans when only 17, while I just watched my 17yo scratch her eye whilst pointing at a cloud.

I think it’s safe to start blowing the college fund on beer and pizza.

I knew I was musical from a young age when my version of “𝘐 𝘚𝘦𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘯, 𝘐 𝘚𝘦𝘦 𝘍𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦” was voted best in the 2nd grade class at Donaldson Elementary.

Espionage is French for “sneaky motherfucker”

[Parisian restaurant, breakfast]

me: I hear that you do the best toasted cheese & ham sandwich in all Paris, here

server: that’s a croque monsieur

me: oh that’s a shame, I’ll just have a croissant instead then please

Oh I see that makes way more fucking sense then that one fucking guy had a gut feeling an attack was fucking imminent to initiate war

I'm very fun, very fucking weird and extremely fucking committed to living my best fucking life

Can I fucking tell y'all this was not the fucking plan

Who doesn't enjoy long romantic strolls to the liquor store?

the great thing about the internet is that we have access to so much information

the shit thing about the internet is that we have access to so much information

Neither extrovert, nor introvert, but a secret 3rd thing

Funny thing happened while I was waiting for you to pick me. I chose myself-

freestyle cooking got a cast iron skillet with butter & some chicken that I threw a bunch of seasonings together with cornstarch @ fried in that butter jfc I wish I wrote this down because I’ll never be able to duplicate this
gotta take your shoes off when you eat it so you can wiggle your toes

I’ll rise, but I sure as shit ain’t gonna shine.

if I could travel through time I'd do so much cool shit like go back and properly mic the snare drum when the outfield was recording 'your love'

Me [turning on my favorite show]: I can’t wait to watch this week’s episode. They ended on a cliffhanger last week.

Show: *devotes entire episode to flashback*

Me: SON OF A

Text your husband "I know your secret" and he'll bring you so many presents!
You don't even need to know what the secret is!

pronounce steamers with sh where the s’s are - now you sound like my neighbor who never returned my horse shoes game