Glen Weldon

“You pinkie-sweared, Fredo.”

In my defense

“It’s … really not, though,” I said.

“I’m going to read you your own title,” they said. “Ready? ‘The Caped Crusade….’”

Flashing back to the interview I did about my second book - don’t recall the outlet - where the interviewer kept demanding I explain why I wrote a whole book declaring that Batman was like the Roman Emperor Nero.

I hadn’t, I didn’t.

They grew annoyed by my abject confusion: “It’s your thesis!”

Happy 13th Anniversary to the day I found out

1. that my first book’s publisher was folding a month before the book launched
2. that another publisher had bought its catalog of books but would not be promoting them, and
3. that my book now fell under a division called “Pets, Crafts and Other.”

Diane 11:30 a.m. February 24th. Power stepping into the town of Twin Peaks.

Diane 11:30 a.m. February 24th. Entering the town of Twin Peaks.

Who, in the year 2026, is in the market for, say, a killer David Steinberg impression?

Not the youth, I’ll tell you that much for free.

(Me. The answer is me.)

Cannot wait for a new generation to be completely mystified by the Sammy Maudlin Show, a blistering takedown of a kind of showbiz phoniness that no longer exists, at least in the same register it used to.

Even as a kid I knew what it was parodying, and thought those sketches went on way too long.

-A mystifying episode-long spoof of Coppola’s ONE FROM THE HEART
-Gerry Todd
-Levy’s take on Trebek, which was based entirely on the fact that early in his game show career he had a rep for getting exasperated by contestants a fact that ONLY I REMEMBER
-“The woodchuck hibernates … in snowy climes.”

There was a lot of stuff that entered the zeitgeist - Great White North, Count Floyd, etc.

But there was lots of stuff that was way more weird than funny, that I loved for the weirdness.

-Pre-Teen World
-An extended Body Snatchers riff feat. Conrad Bain’s brother

In Defense Of Bronze: The True Mettle Of The Metal Of The 3rd-Place Medal In the Olympics, and in many other areas of life, from comic-book eras to health care plans, "bronze" has come to signify the least of three things. It shouldn't.

Not a sports guy. But I wrote about the Olympics once, sort of.

In Defense Of Bronze: The True Mettle Of The Metal Of The 3rd-Place Medal

www.npr.org/2016/08/11/4...

TOY STORY 5: REVENGE OF THE 5ID

Andy’s childhood bully, now a tech billionaire, uses his vast resources to track down Woody and Buzz and turn them into IP that he can cynically leverage into endless installments of entertainment content.

If you see people out today looking like this don’t make them angry.

Talking with people who love ChatGPT feels like I’m at a party where boring people play Cards Against Humanity and convince themselves they’re funny.

In brightest day
In blackest night
Our logo won’t at all excite

Jo Nesbo’s Sunglasses Hut
Jo Nesbo’s Shake Shack
Jo Nesbo’s Cheesecake Factory
Jo Nesbo’s Pottery Barn
Jo Nesbo’s Piercing Pagoda

never did no wutherin’ HI-iiiiiiiiii
never did no wutherin’ lowwwwwww

I believe these two crazy kids might just make it after all.

Anyway holding out for a gay WUTHERING HEIGHTS but instead of Heathcliff, Snagglepuss. And instead of Cathy, that “I hate those meeces to pieces” guy.

And then when he goes away and comes back years later all suave and shit?

It’s bonkers, yes, but you can’t say “WUTHERING HEIGHTS” isn’t sexy af. I mean the scene where Jacob Elordi swallows that fish whole then pulls it back out of his throat and it’s just the skeleton? Woof.

I remember after I came out to Mom it was bad for a long time.

The one day she called me and told me she went into Philly (she never left West Chester) to see Les Miz and wanted to talk to me about how wonderful it was.

But I was and remain a Sondheim gay.

Some divides can never be crossed.

F was born in Puerto Rico and has been dealing with blithely ignorant people considering him a foreigner for 55 years now.

Blithely ignorant people have been here forever. We used to ignore and dismiss them, given their ignorance. That’s what they deserved.

I miss those days.

Sorry I am helpless in the face of self-effacing people!

And Taskmaster! And No Rolls Barred! And Would I Lie To You! And QI!

The only way I can hope to get through this, the Most Culturally Sportsy Weekend Ever, is by staying inside and mainlining like Drag Race, Dropout and Critical Role. INDOOR KIDS RiSE UP.

In workshop one time after I’d said my piece about a story Marilynne Robinson told me I had the best verbal italics she’d ever heard so yeah, I’m uh think I’m prepared to discuss “Wuthering Heights” on PCHH next week.

Uh-oh. Some intern is DEFINITELY not getting fired.

First, the Coens.

Then, the Safdies.

If these two jamokes go their separate ways, don’t tell me. I couldn’t take it.