Talia Argondezzi

There Is Limited Money in Our Big, Beautiful Budget, So We Need to Spend as Much of It as Possible to Keep Ruining Immigrants’ Lives “The $170 billion price tag for immigration enforcement eclipses other law enforcement expenditures at the federal, state, and local level…. The la...

"As long as we burn through the budget, kicking new immigrants out in the most painful and brutal way possible, we can ensure a declining population and a stagnant economy for the foreseeable future."

There Is Limited Money in Our Big, Beautiful Budget, So We Need to Spend as Much of It as Possible to Keep Ruining Immigrants’ Lives “The $170 billion price tag for immigration enforcement eclipses other law enforcement expenditures at the federal, state, and local level…. The la...

wrote a bit about mass deportation for @mcsweeneys.net www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...

i LOVE this

Rudolph the Red Won’t Guide Santa’s Bourgeois Sleigh Tonight First, let’s get one thing clear, Santa: I ain’t a scab. The collective bargaining agreement clearly mandates the sleigh be led by a union-approved...

Merry Christmas Eve! Here's my Marxist Rudolph satire in @mcsweeneys.net today! www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/rud...

“The art of seduction in the season of chapped lips and vitamin D deficiency.” By @taliaargondezzi.bsky.social

Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/we-should-de...

My new McSweeney's!

If it's a comfort: I work with young people and they all hate basically every media trend too. Unless they're old-baiting me

Why I Only Allow My Teen to Talk to Instagram’s PG-13 Chatbots Human teens can be so R-rated sometimes.

Also, here is my other new humor from a couple days ago: thebelladonnacomedy.com/why-i-only-a...

The Technology Is Just Not Ready to Fake Another Moon Landing Given these conditions, we may be decades away from being able to fake another moon landing.

Here's some new humor I wrote for @pointsincase.com! www.pointsincase.com/articles/the...

I Need AI to Write Better Lesson Plans So My Students Stop Using AI to Write Their Papers I care deeply about my students’ learning, but with all the new technologies available to help them cut corners, I worry that they’re not doing the...

Teachers! If your students are using AI to write their papers, maybe it's because you personally are not using AI enough. Here's my new @mcsweeneys.net www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-n...

Then when there's a very typical cold terrible November day, everyone says, "Ugh, winter came early!"

Fall has the best PR. When there's a cool summer day, everyone says "wow, fall weather!" Like nope, many summer days are just really really lovely

Liberals Get So Upset About Every Little Jeans Ad and Blatant Corruption Scandal Some hyper-sensitive Americans love to cry buckets of liberal tears over every minor provocation, like the Sydney Sweeney jeans ad or how the polic...

I wrote this one! www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/lib...

YES!! Hilarious

SUBSCRIBE TO THE NEWSLETTER OF HUMOROUS WRITING! Not just because they mentioned my piece this week, just because it’s that good

Maybe stowed under a seat like carry-on luggage?

People love to be like “it’s not kids I hate. I hate parents who don’t keep their kids handcuffed and muzzled in public”

Houseplant Care Instructions, Which You Should Not Take Personally Your houseplant needs regular waterings. Your houseplant trusts you understand what “regular” means in this context.

Here’s my new article in Slackjaw, for both plant purchasers and people with the same personality as me medium.com/slackjaw/hou...

I wrote this! Hope you enjoy. Also, here's the friends and family link (no need to sign in to Medium) medium.com/thebelladonn...

“What makes women tick, from the minds of not-women writers.” By @taliaargondezzi.bsky.social

Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/woman-empowe...

Don’t Reinvent the Wheel First, remember what you named the file. “Invention idea: the wheel”? “Wheel stuff”? “Wheel deets”? Maybe just “wheel”?

Yay, I have some new comedy in today's @pointsincase.com www.pointsincase.com/articles/don...

Jane Austen didn’t wreck your life. Lack of George Eliot wrecked your life

I mean… it is rude

WHAT. As a child I only had mega-boiled brussels sprouts and now I always roast them. I thought I was a culinary genius. I was wrong.

Every time I take a trip, I wonder why I even consider the destination when all my kids want is to operate a key card and eat a doughy Belgian waffle for breakfast

Ah what a sentence! “In 2025, deciding that your family will cosplay 1995 is more about curating an intentional vibe (more work) than recreating what my 90s mom was actually doing: what was most accessible and workable for her, without a second thought (less).” This whole thing is so good

Reviews of New Food: Utz Lemonade Potato Chips Remember the summertime barbecues of childhood? Sunshine, sprinklers, the slurred speech of day-drunk parents? When, as kids, we’d eat potato chips...

I co-wrote a Review of New Foods for McSweeney’s with @jeffbender.bsky.social. It has a light 4th of July theme. Among several other light themes. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/utz...

the pose is so real, though. you always have to pee so bad as soon as you put on a complicated outfit

today I purchased 10 rolls at the deli and my cashier said "you having a big party? Or just stocking up?" IS TEN A SILLY LOT OF ROLLS TO BUY???

Kids say the darndest things in literary fiction