amy! ami! amé!

atta boy!

and unlock the fucking La Roche Posay for chrissakes, it’s not even Ulta level

damn now I want some Popeye’s

“In Transit, Arriving Today” and Other Comforting Lies

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IT’S WHIPPED www.target.com/p/hello-whip...

honestly switching to the electric helped for me. idk know what to tell you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

see I don’t have that issue with the electric toothbrush (it’s the manual that does it for me)

being middle-aged means you get excited about new toothpaste

Smoking a camel crush is the most bisexual I’ve ever felt

whenever I’m having a bad day, I take comfort in the fact that there will indeed be much worse days than this

sara lee could never

BRIAN!

you know the dick will be fantastic when he rolls up in this

we gotchu, boo

yeah no I’ve heard about this one

I asked the hairdresser for a French twist. She gave me a regular hairstyle and then shrugged philosophically with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth

how are you holding them down???

Everyone thinks it's politics tearing us all apart when in fact it's Rolling Stone magazine's Top 50 lists

ppl really do be ornery these days

who is mean to you. I will beat them up

sorry Pink Floyd, turns out that we needed education. a lot of it. all of the education, really

oh she is precious 🥹

DON'T BE ALARMED. I AM JUST STEPPING INTO THIS ROOM, LOCKING THE DOOR, AND PULLING UP THE UNDERPANTS WHICH HAVE POOLED AT MY CROTCH IN BETWEEN MY TIGHTS AND MY SWEATY FLESH.

Cows are very calm considering the whole floor is food.

…Brad?

Alex is disaster (I love him so)

Really weird they put this in the ad

[drunk and lost in the museum]

🎵 wasting away in Magritte-ville...🎵

please for all of our sakes, don’t