she’s a ten but she won’t do duck lips with Pringles
05.03.2026 23:36
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[first day as an eye doctor]
Me: “Cover your left eye and read the chart.”
Patient:
D O Y O U
L I K E M E
Y E S O R N O
C I R C L E
O M E
Me: “Oof, almost.”
06.03.2026 09:27
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I refuse to call purple onions by their brand name “red onions”
06.03.2026 04:40
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I imagine BDSM would also become a lot more jump-scary
06.03.2026 07:36
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I would have humans inflate like puffer fish when they’re scared.
06.03.2026 05:30
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the military coup led by the people I am supposed to respect can happen at any time
06.03.2026 05:19
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I want that man sized Kleenex pillow very badly
06.03.2026 04:32
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The org known for “combatting antisemitism” was taken over by a right wing self-hating bigot, and news media still quotes it frequently still cite it, along with entirely fictional organizations like “stop antisemitism” that were just twitter handles someone made up to push right wing talking points
06.03.2026 04:03
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Quick question does anyone know how to restore virtue to a decaying society
06.03.2026 01:27
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Makes sense, I’d be like “OH MY GOD A TALKING GORILLA”
06.03.2026 02:14
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That’s why they’re called Loafers
06.03.2026 02:13
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What if Donkey Kong says it.
06.03.2026 02:12
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For me, I saw the piece of shit dad from Little Rascals and thought “god I wish we were all his son”
06.03.2026 02:10
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First time I saw The Apprentice, I thought, "Hopefully someday I will be informed of this man's every bruise or skin condition."
06.03.2026 02:08
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I’m socially liberal but physically conservative. I believe everyone has a right to live how they please but I also believe in using as little of my body to help others as possible.
05.03.2026 19:33
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Yes, it's good Kristi Noem was fired. But I can't help but notice that the first high profile firing in this administration happened to one of their only meltable-americans.
05.03.2026 20:35
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the joy of murdering small children. the love of the game.
05.03.2026 22:48
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Does a uterus qualify as a 3D printer?
05.03.2026 05:22
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Platner
05.03.2026 20:45
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Kristi Noem's "Open to Work" LinkedIn Profile
05.03.2026 18:54
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Yes, it's good Kristi Noem was fired. But I can't help but notice that the first high profile firing in this administration happened to one of their only meltable-americans.
05.03.2026 20:35
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soon we’ll be receiving spam phone calls from kristi noem telling us our shield of america warranty is about to expire
05.03.2026 20:21
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Markwayne Merkin
05.03.2026 20:26
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[snorting a line of cocaine off Kristi Noem's mattress stains] "let's rock."
05.03.2026 20:18
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As Abraham Lincoln once said, "Treat you like my sticky ickey or my sweet ooey gooey. (For real though)"
05.03.2026 20:21
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His name is James Donald Bowman!
05.03.2026 20:19
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[snorting a line of cocaine off Kristi Noem's mattress stains] "let's rock."
05.03.2026 20:18
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Yesterday I learned that JD Vance is not his real name.
05.03.2026 20:07
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Oh there’s no shortage of reasons
05.03.2026 20:06
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