Matthew Legare, aka Tobias the Adequate

ahem. Lemme break out the template

ZOMG I CANNOT BELIEVE PRESIDENT ___________ INVADED ___________ AND CAPTURED __________!
I GUESS HE WANTED THEIR OIL.

Basically, if I have to jump through hoops to tolerate you when your philosophies cry out for the destruction of my friends, I ain’t jumpin’.

🎶 Oh the weather outside is frightful
🎶 Yes the weather outside is frightful
🎶 Since the weather outside is frightful
🎶 Yes it’s frightful
🎶 Yes it’s frightful
🎶 Yes it’s frightful!

AND ANOTHER THING don't worry about the VF paywall, just search "Vanity Fair" on any social media and you'll find pretty much all the photos in all their magnificence.

This is a building full of self-promoting, self-aggrandizing idiots, grifters, and yes-beings who are In Over Their Head (check how much wall height is visible above and behind them).

It's a glorious exercise in visual expression. And satire. And sarcasm. And anger.

6/6

none of the gilt or glam of the current incumbent, nor the more sedate (and reasonable?) pomp and circumstance of the WH under Biden, Obama, either Bush, hell... ANYONE with any freaking sense or taste.

5/?

The washed-out institutional lighting, random "what is THAT doing there?" decor and set pieces, an autographed photo leaning against a frame but not framed, demonstrably cheap art prints...

4/?

Check the state of the rooms in the People's House: slapdash baseboard repairs, uncaulked, paint slapped on... exposed cords, random light and thermostat panes.

3/?

Check the rumpledness of the people - the Brobdignadian close-ups on injection sites, botox scars, premature wrinkling and dehydration marks. The choice of unhemmed pants, pretending to button a non-existent coat button on a 1 button coat, the squirrely hair, the unkempt makeup.

2/?

Don't worry about the VF Paywall, just search "Vanity Fair" on any social media site and you'll be able to see pretty much every photo.

---

One of the overriding themes in the Vanity Fair photoshoot is how These People Do Not Belong Here and This Place Is Going To Hell.

1/?

New Braunfels Rennaisance Faire

nbrenfaire.com for details

It’s official! Come see Tobias inflict his TROUBADORK Show at the New Braunfels Renaissance Faire

You can find him… at the LARK AND BALL TAVERN

Friday 6:30 & 8:30
Saturday 2:30, 5:30, and 7:30
Sunday 12:00 & 5:30

New hat! New instrument! And the usual shenanigans!

This weekend!

Phrases I am proud I came up with (ongoing series)

"YOU NON-EUCLIDEAN DINGBAT!"

You know what’s beautiful?

share.google/SsDY01PJ6IfT...

"Wow."
"I did not know if that was going to work."
"That was incredibly cruel."
"You just wait till he discovers genitalia."
(in the distance) "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING T-OW!"

Dialog Fragment:
"COWER, MORTAL, FOR I AM-"
"Wow, first day with the corporeal body, huh?"
"I AM NOW MANIFEST! FOR -"
"So have you figured out how to keep from biting your own tongue all the time?"
"WHAT -OW! HOW DO YOU- OW! YOU WILL P-OW! FIEND-OW!"
(this goes on for a while in the background)

She perked right up (“it me!”) looks around for the source of the bellow and saw me.

“TOBIAS!!!”
“WHERE?!?!??”

Laughing and hugs ensued.

At Faire, at her request, I am now
obligated to greet her with that declaration.

True story: one of my friends transitioned and came to Renfair as a new character. I came to viait, saw her at a table in character, and could not remember her character name.

In a mild panic I engaged my diaphragm and bellowed

“OI! GIANT WOMAN!!!!”

Isaac Chotiner saves money by having the entire interview by himself in a room with a closed door.

Screen capture of Twitter post and comment Acyn (quoting Donald Trump): AOC is Low IQ. If you give her an IQ test, have her pass like the exams that I decided to take when I was at Walter Reed. Those are very hard... They're really aptitude coignitive tests. Let AOC go against Trump. The first couple of Show more (cut off here, photo of Trump on Air Force One talking) Quote-Tweet by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Hello Mr. President! Out of curiosity, did those doctors ack you to draw a clock by any chance? Was that part hard for you too? Asking for 340 million people.

KATIE KATIE KATIE @katie.bzky.team !!! SHE DID THE THING

BEHOLD

FINALLY THE PAPER REALIZES ITS TRUE POTENTIAL AS A ROLLED UP WEAPON TO BE USED AGAINST JEFF BEZOS

Dialog fragment (must happen rapidly)
"Have you ever been hit in the face with a broom?""
"What -" WHAP
"Have you ever been hit in the face twice with a broom?"

... I'm sorry but I see the words "Right" and "Wing" and "Intellectual" but when you put them together like that I just hear someone playing a trumpet with a plunger

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ILLEGAL ABOUT PUTTING ANOTHER FENCE IN FRONT OF THE ICE FENCE IN CHICAGO.
THAT I'M AWARE OF. I MEAN, I'M NOT A LAWYER. BUT IF YOU PUT UP A FENCE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR GATE I MEAN WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO? THEY *WANTED* A FENCE THERE...

.... and here we see the lesser North American Internet Edgelord, in his natural habitat... somehow both lurking behind a tree in a forest AND posting incessantly to social media ...

HAY GUYZ I CAN TUNE THE 20 GAUGE HIGH G TO A LOW G AND IT DOES NOT SUCK

I have had multiple people call me a bard OUTSIDE of a Renfair environment this week, and I am 100% not certain how I feel about that beyond "I ... am RESISTANT to calling myself that"

So now I'm gonna screw around with lowball-tuning the high G string and when I want a low G strung banjolele, I guess I have to use my father's banjolele, which I inherited.

Yes, I can say "This is my father's banjolele" which is a phrase almost no one is prepared to hear.

TODAY I LEARNED that since an Banjolele from the Outdoor Ukulele Company of Bend, OR is designed to take a high G (20) string - specifically in the clever slotty thing at the tailpiece - One cannot restring it with a low G (40) string.

[Nancy Mace shot Charlie Kirk. I'm just saying.]