Shoulda known better, tbh.

Text message bubble reading “Christina, humanoid robots are reshaping trillions in global labor. Artly AI lets you invest early and benefit from this revolution. https://invest.artly.ai”

I’ll be honest, I thought this unsolicited text was going to end with a dire warning about The Singularity, and not an Appeal to Capitalism.

Green one and red-brown ones are the easiest to visually parse, so I’d be most likely to click through on those.

Jordan as Alan Rickman slaps.

New York Times crossword stats page, displaying 3000 total puzzles solved, 100% solve rate, 1000 day solving streak.

Completely meaningless achievement unlocked! Round-ass numbers across the board on my NY Times crossword stats page today.
Been pacing myself toward this for about 10 months now.

When I opened the 4000 page pdf that was the manual for DaVinvi Resolve software, my immediate thought was “do NOT hit ctrl-P no matter what you do.” The printer ink anxiety runs deep 😂
I went out of my way to FULLY close the PDF before I tried to print a 1-page crossword later that day.

Now do that math after you’ve done body work on a car that has all those sensors and sh*t. New car $35000. Right front bumper $2K, rear bumper $3k. Right Fender $1500. 4 Doors are prob more. Weird how so little of the value is in the moving parts!

Red Sox kid looks like he’s actually able to swing the bat properly. Other two kids are kinda posing with it, as expected of the ~6 year olds they are. Jeffries’ grip on the bat is more appropriate if he’s gonna, like, poke you with it.

Ah yes, I loved your whole Turner series: Butthole, Butthole, Butthole, and Butthole!

Don’t be silly. The subtly ultra-rich just quietly designate an extra wing of the house for the fur babies, and outfit it with lamps that cost only $400 or so. Y’know. Stuff they can afford to have ruined.

Clinging to a tree fully upside down? Eating a pilfered orange off the neighbor's tree with its little paws? Freezing in place on a dime? It's all A+ animal behavior. Go squirrels.

Squirrels are an underrated animal, IMHO. Yeah, they're ubiquitous (here in North America, anyway). But seriously, any time I see a squirrel, I just want to stop what I'm doing and watch that lil critter do its thing.

Lucky you!

My cousin, a software engineer, said that crypto was basically a bunch of tech bros trying to “solve the problem” that there wasn’t a true digital equivalent to a cash transaction (anonymous and untraceable). But a) Is that a real problem? And b) Crypto isn’t the solution anyway.

I don’t know what’s the best evidence for the fact Hank and I live in different parts of the country: the inclusion of “clear” gas, the prices, or the dirt bike graphic on the pump. 😂

I got one at 8:07pm. Very useful, thanks, city robot!

Romance paperback titled “The Temptation of Lady Serena” featuring a woman in a regency-era pink dress. The book has a Target-branded 15% off sticker placed squarely over the woman’s face.

TFW you’re a Target employee circa 2015 who thinks all books should follow the “artfully obscured faces on romance covers” design trend.

I’ve got a 4 hour drive later today, and I’m so happy(?) I’ll have this to keep me company!

Hi kitty!

…And take care of yourself, kitty-mom!

When I was in my 20s, I had a receptionist job at a film production company. I still think about the guy who cold-called because he had trademarked a generic (though fairly evocative) 4-word phrase, and wanted to know if my company wanted to pay him to create a movie with that title.

Yup, I was a Buffy fan (and I watched more generation-agnostic stuff like the Star Treks of the time). But in Buffy, the titular character was, in fact, the main character.

I… didn’t even watch this show, but I 100% agree because I, too, am a geriatric millennial, and we only had 3 options for pop culture back then.

I saw some recruiter complaining on LinkedIn about how people don’t answer the phone with their full names, and I’m like:
1) I don’t answer the phone at all for the reasons above.
2) If I am expecting/hoping for a call about a job, I’m still not giving some scammer a leg up by giving my name.

There was one time when a messenger to the Cracked offices got horribly lost and when I called him he was inexplicably in a McDonald’s parking lot. I had no idea where the closest McD’s even was. I should have put him on with you.

Oh my god, yes. “One away!” It kept assuring me! “One away!”

Connections
Puzzle #692
🟦🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟨🟨🟦🟨
🟨🟨🟨🟨
🟦🟦🟪🟦
🟪🟪🟪🟪
🟦🟦🟦🟦

Me to AI friend: Hey, I’ve got two tickets to [sporting event] this weekend, wanna go?
AI: Unfortunately I am unavailable. However, I will now remind you to buy [team merch] and [equipment for a sport you don’t play]
Me: Sits in stands alone, bombarded by deals on hockey pads.

Internet arguments always go this way. The options are always comically unbalanced (rather than: 5-10 men vs gorilla, or minimum weapon you’d need?) Because these things really take off when the commentary transitions to how dumb the question is rather than answers to the question.

Oh yeah— Amazing how the screen basically doesn’t show up at all in photography. (Also amazing the absolute havoc Autocorrect unleashed on the word “window” in your post; good job, robot overlords. 🤣)

My eyes are having trouble parsing what, exactly, is going on here, but my brain knows that whatever is happening, it’s 100% a Cat Move (TM)

New York Times crossword stats page showing current streak of 900, 2700 total puzzles solved.

Just need to average 3 crosswords a day for the next hundred days and I’ll have EVEN ROUNDER numbers.