Dream Wilder

Thank you 🙏

This is why every movie where the neurotic anxious and the idealized avoidant actually succeed in a relationship, without first gaining some clear insight that fixes their respective attachment styles, is dangerously toxic

This is why every movie where the neurotic anxious and the idealized avoidant actually succeed in a relationship, without first gaining some clear insight that fixes their respective attachment styles, is dangerously toxic

… or become impulsively angry at rejection.

Neither types’ hands are clean in either scenario, but both lack the insight to see why they’re doing something dangerous and deeply unethical to each other.

(Insight: avoidants do not friendzone people. They offer said zone as a trap/containment device to counter-engulf people in their safe zone. Secure people decline; anxious types “willingly” (compulsively) take the bait.)

Which means that nobody they date will last, which means all one has to do is be oneself (whom they already like) attain secure attachment style, and never accept a rigid permanent definition of a relationship as platonic if one doesn’t feel that way, but don’t insist on the opposite either.

…engulfed by anxious types, because their insecurities will destroy the relationship, and secure types do not seek out the company of avoidant types unless they already love them (usually from an anxious/avoidant pairing where the anxious one attains secure attachment first)

Interestingly, to secure a stable, long-term connection with an avoidant, giving them space and time when needed is a better gift than anything material wealth can buy.

And one need not fear permanently losing one who loves you, as long as you realize that avoidants cannot be permanently..

..maybe a little closer this time, out of fear of abandoning the relative safety of that comfort zone, the eye of the storm.

..where they may let an anxious type pursue, pull away when they get too close, and either:

- The anxious pursues, causing the avoidant to flee engulfment

- The anxious, realizing past failures, pulls back fast enough and long enough for the avoidant to come back, seeking the comfort zone…

The avoidant seeks connection in a way that avoids harm or engulfment, any threat to their freedom and independence.

This makes them seek a connection as close as they are comfortable with, but no closer. Something that feels satisfying but safe.

Which creates a push-pull dynamic…

The anxious seeks connection in a way that avoids rejection, ostracism, and/or abandonment (whichever ones they fear).

This makes them either shy or controlling, and in some cases, both, in which case their skill and habit in subterfuge can rival those of master manipulators in Cluster B.

..attachment styles.

The two types initially can attract each other strongly, until they trigger each other’s panic chase/free drives (I’m not like a professional psychologist just some who suddenly gained insight into two very different mindsets simultaneously), which can traumatize both exactly until they cure their

#psychology #philosophy

(Mild spoilers for “YOU” on Netflix)

Something interesting happened while watching this show (overwhelmingly recommended btw).

I suddenly saw why the anxious/avoidant romance dynamic is idealized by both types, until they learn better!

(More in comments…)

Well, you see, when coal is burned to power EVs, that retroactively makes it Clean Coal™️, which is actually beneficial for the environment… by which I mean shareholder value 🥰

The night life really bites

Gentrification pushes the dead into Limbo

#2024 was a rough decade

If you want people to have to stay in the country after education, you need to tie that specific term of work to the benefits up front. You can't say it's free and then go "Oh but we didn't mean you could do whatever you wanted after receiving it. Pay us back."

Just because a problem is valid does not mean you get to violate other people's rights, or make them "pay back" something they received as a public benefit available to all with no strings attached. If people knew accepting the education meant becoming a slave of the state, they would not choose it.

“Activity”

Ever been involved in a community suffering from a purity spiral?

What happened?

I think those solutions are way better policy than forcing doctors to stay.

Why not treat this as an economic problem with a diplomatic solution, similar to trade deficits?

Also, how, specifically, would you choose go about enforcing the regime of keeping doctors in the country, if you were in charge and couldn’t abdicate the duty of implementing this system?

Why not treat this as an economic problem with a diplomatic solution, similar to trade deficits?

Also, how, specifically, would you choose go about enforcing the regime of keeping doctors in the country, if you were in charge and couldn’t abdicate the duty of implementing this system?

Which policies of fairness, specifically?

That’s an interesting way of looking at it, thanks 🙏

That’s obsolete thinking in my opinion; I would leverage emerging improvements in technology to make an ultra-low-cost educational delivery and credentialing/certification system, undercutting the for-profit education model as well as the socialized one.