Bibbity bobbity shake, turns you into a snake.

Its responsible pet ownership.

Stream commission 🐬

I think about the "my butthole my butthole I blew out my butthole" cat all the time.

It has a flavor

More people should send me snakes to make me feel better.

Get into other people's latex!

My union gets mad if I don't have it on me

standing on your toes? BANNED

Sundress scalie 🦎

This week has been bad so far and I want one of those steaks that like if you eat the whole thing its free except Id pay for it because I want two.

I wonder if demons get tired of being constantly summoned to fuck thirsty middle aged fantasy fans or if they're like hell yeah.

Malls closing is just big zombie getting rid of the best loot spots.

I remember being a kid and asking my mom, ok so heaven would be cool and all but after a million years? a billion years? a billion billion years and you still havent even started? Thats scary. and had my first existential crisis

I think those are the shoes I had to wear at a wedding when I was like 8

YOMP

Keeps trying to take the path with human form and NO you're cute af just stay dragon.

I just replaced my 11 year old tires like 3 days ago when one blew out while I was driving. xD

9 year old tires dizzzzz

Gas lines gas lines gas lines odd day even day gas lines gas lines.

I can't tell if I'm horribly depressed or just missing an hour of sleep.

Garbage bags full of gas

Working on Sunday on daylights savings day is a special kind of hell. We literally only do this because of peer pressure from dead people.

"That time I reincarnated as an orange cat so I could show everyone my butthole"

Love 2 fingers 1 thumb! aaaaa!

I've been trying to put my finger on it for a while and... this is exactly it!

sheepposting

I wanna smack someone as hard as I can with a traffic cone.

alkaline lynx

You can bweh if you want to. You can leave your friends bahhind.