Midwest Weather Control

YES WE KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE A DYSON SPACEHEATER THATS NOT THE POINT

[taps microphone]
THE ARCH IS A SOPHISTICATED SEVERE WEATHER MITIGATION DEVICE, IT IS NOT A SPACE HEATER.

WE CANT JUST "TURN IT ON" AND MAKE IT WARMER.

The Arch is currently turned up to the maximum setting but we're competing with AI datacenters for power consumption.

The Technodruiids recommend finding someone who smells nice to snuggle with for the weekend.

Midwest Weather Control regrets that we were unable to stop todays weather events.

Our public statements are restricted but suffice to say that DOGE is opposed to anything with 'environment' in its description and we're on a skeleton crew these days.

Our hearts go out to the community.

Theres large upper level disturbances busting out across the country headed into next week

Normally we focus on weather threats to the midwest but yall might want some protection for this one #stlwx

Nature makes the good ice #stlwx

I’m just gonna start turning the big knobs to the right as far as they go, okay?

#stlwx

Hey guys is this thing on? This is Todd I think everyone else got laid off by Elon

#stlwx

CAPTAIN WERE GIVIN IT ALL SHE GOT BUT I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER SHE KIN GIVE #stlwx

We’ll do what we can but DOGE doesn’t believe we exist annd we’re short-staffed

Weather Trivia: Due to the recent planetary conjunction, the Arch was able to accumulate enough power to turn the control coils up to 11.

You are very welcome. #stlwx

#stlwx

First of all, lower your voice

NEXRAD radar image of the Saint Louis area being protected from severe weather by the Gateway Arch

WX ALERT: 2025/02/12 0732AM

The weather control coils of the Arch are at currently at maximum power

#stlwx

While there is some snow making it through the weather control field, we would like to let folks know that it could be a lot worse. #stlwx

pls respond I showed u my cold front

Counterpoint: if it doesnt get to at least twenty we're changing the forecast to 2D12 inches

When the forecast says "between 1 and 12 inches of snow" what they mean is that our intern Todd just got a new set of dice and we're leaving him in charge for the weekend.

If this post gets 50 likes the STL area gets a re-roll

Maybe an inch! Maybe a foot! Maybe it'll just spit in your mouth and slap you around a little.

Brb checking with Todd

This was not us, please take it up with Google

A person holding a bird-shaped drone

WEATHER TIP:
Have you ever noticed how right before a storm, all the birds disappear? That's because the protective EM radiation from the Arch interferes with the guidance computer in the "birds". #weathercontrol #birdsarentreal

Doppler Radar image of the Midwest showing the Arch protecting the St Louis area from severe weather

This image shows why the Arch is energized in response to severe weather conditions in Saint Louis:

It's inverted caternary curve, combined with its stainless steel skin, and multi-gigawatt energy storage facility in the basement, allows it to dissipate storm energy.

Arch Weather Control Trivia:
The Arch was designed by Eero Saarinen.
Eero Saarinen is an anagram for Erase Rain Eon
This is incontrovertible fact. #weathercontrol

a group of workers performing maintenance on the Gateway Arch

Midwest Weather Control is excited to announce that we have moved our public relations operations to Bluesky!

To remain up-to-date on our weather control activities, make sure to follow us, and make sure to tell your friends!