Cousin Spagooblio

Put me in the Extractor Mr President. I'm ready to serve my country

Wait, I forgot that I'm a buisness. You can buy my books here; falseparcels.bigcartel.com

Up late last night simmering my accursed broth

Celebrated travel agent Ron Voyage.

REPORTER: Sir, can you tell us what happened with the elephant?
ME: (huddled in a space blanket) Of course: I was minding my business when the beast grabbed me with its trunk. My penis, exposed for unrelated reasons, functioned as a sort of axel by which I was rotated like a holiday noisemaker

Thinkin bout a goblin with a revolver the size of his arm and feeling the nirvanic bliss of the Buddha

Clipping of an ad in an old newspaper attempting to sell parents scam anti-worm laxatives

All this malarkey just doesn't seem like the best way to achieve eudaimonia to me but what do I know

The plural is actually scoobies doo

do not go piggly into that good wiggly

What can a shy smol bean white boy do about all this???

Turnover is nuts I hear

(suddenly gasping, grasping at the pouches on my belt and clutching my chest) THE JEWEL!! WHERE IS THE JEWEL?

'The Discombobulator' is just what he calls his little peepee

Live skeeting my annual performance review

I saw god in 2018 after I ate a cheeto off the floor of the DC metro

I love when it snows. It feels so cozy. Plus you can just dump all your garbage in the middle of the road and they come and plow it away.

look i'm not happy about it but im pretty sure this country must be nuked

When I was little my Quebecoise uncle told me he had Bob L'eponge locked in his root cellar. "Oncle Jean-Paul, why you got him locked up for?" I asked him. And he would laugh and laugh

Discovered a new kind of bug last month. This one has boobies. And let me tell ye pardner, sometimes that little sip o fresh squeezed bugmilk is all that gets me outta bed in the morning

Captain Barbosa attempting to order at the Panera kiosk

grapefruit isn’t well named. there is already a fruit that’s grape.

Gonna spend a lot of this year nosing through the underbrush questing for truffles

tased like playdough and strawberry dream ifn I recall correct

when the ancient pharaohs died, their best skeets were likely interred along with them to aid them in their passage to the land of reeds

I am sorry i do not understand your primitive twentieth century sandwiches

a bug’s wife

what's the guy's name from christmas. red guy